My friend convinced me to pick up a copy of Guilty Gear Xrd (pronounced”ecks-erd” apparently); the latest installment of the Guilty Gear fighting game franchise. After finally figuring out how to pronounce the title, I jumped into the game and decided to check out some of the new additions to the roster.The series is renowned for its crazy character designs; most famous is probably Bridget from a bounty hunter boy cross-dressing as a nun complete with yo-yos, wheelie-shoes, a giant handcuff belt, and a possessed teddy bear that sounds like a demonic Barry White. Unfortunately he’s not in this game, so Arc System Works created some new characters for us to be confused by.

Guilty Gear Xrd‘s New Characters

Bedman

First up we have Bedman. I’m not sure what I expected when I saw his name, he’s literally exactly as advertised. Usually I wouldn’t consider someone’s bed part of their attire, but he seems permanently attached to this one so I’ll make an exception. You would think that if you rode around in your bed all day, you’d opt for a softer-looking mattress, maybe even a Tempur-Pedic. The crazy wheeled spikes, crowned head, and giant hand seem to give off a menacing “don’t mess with me” vibe that conflicts with  hospital gown “I’m an invalid” vibe.

Also confusing are the screws inserted into his shoulders and the pronounced arrow on his forehead pointing at his face. I’m seriously not picking up whatever cards he’s putting down. I thought after seeing him in action I would understand him more, but his win quotes only make me more confused.
 

Ramlethal Valentine

There are so many things happening in this design I don’t even know where to begin. Actually, I’ll begin with the thing that seems the most normal: her coat. As seen in the start to this video, it’s really some sort of mouth complete with saliva and those spikes at the edge seem to be teeth that she uses in her attacks. The demonic balls with teeth and bat wings that hold her swords actually join together and can actually talk. The coat offers some modesty, but underneath she’s basically wearing the shortest of short-shorts and a belt over her chest. Complete with some random belts on her thighs because hey, it’s Guilty Gear.

The Valentine characters in Guilty Gear all seem to have animal-themed hats and Ramlethal’s cat hat isn’t the most offensive, but that doesn’t mean I like it. In fact, I’ve noticed that a large number of Guilty Gear characters have ridiculous headgear. I’ve already touched on the ridiculousness of Millia’s license plate hat, but there are even more heinous examples.

I’m not sure if anyone will ever top Faust’s choice of headgear which I’m assuming he got straight out of the Derelicte catalog: