Who Wore it Best? | Final Fantasy Type-0 Ladies

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FinalFantasyType0_Ladies2


Joey

This was a really tough decision for me. Queen and Deuce are automatically out of the running for making me bored on sight. Also, I don’t know if Queen is anemic or something, but her pose isn’t very regal. Sice has a neat weapon and her pose and expression tell us she means business. Unfortunately, her torn up cape tells me that business isn’t going very well. Cinque’s prissy pose and fancy hairstyle have a nice contrast with her brute force weapon. Here she is in action.

Jillian

Having worn school uniforms for 12 years, I can tell you that Queen is the only one who isn’t going to get expelled for skirt shortness. That said, I agree that her anemic slump is off-putting and her single barrette that’s not accomplishing anything is driving me crazy. I like Deuce’s asymmetrical scarf-cape the best, but her extra bang-slash-mutton chops ruin it. Cinque has the vacant stare of Sansa Stark and the annoying hair of Pippi Longstocking; besides the insanely oversized lamp mace, she’s pretty boring. Sice earns points for fitted knee-high boots on top of thigh-high stockings–legs for days–but the raggedy cape is either trying too hard to be badass, or not trying hard enough to follow proper washing instructions.

Erin

Cinque. Jillian said it before and I can’t help but agree. That hair is the worst. It’s not even a natural style; she had to work to make it look like that. She had to cut and blow out ear-length bangs and then use a curling iron to make two giant ringlet pigtails. Turn that weapon upside down and stick it in a lawn, it looks like a solar-powered garden light. Sice has my favorite overall look–I think I always find white hair on a younger character visually appealing. The tattered cape, cold hard glance, and her overall posture says she’s seen this crap before and is not having it. I also love the boots/stockings combination. Deuce looks like she doesn’t belong, something is too simple. But maybe she’s actually the one to be feared most and that wand in her hands is a WMD. Deuce has the same hairdresser as Cinque…there was a special on earbangs, I guess? Seven, I miss the scarf–you look incomplete. I don’t really want to find out what her weapon does, whatever it inflicts does not look comfortable. I do like her hair, but second to Sice, obvs. Jillian was spot on about Queen’s stupid barrette affixed to MORE EARBANGS…and Joey, I agree with what you said re: Queen and Deuce, the levels of boring here are unmatched.

Joey

You two and your rational thinking about hair! That’s the beauty of ridiculous hair in games! No blow-dryer required! Also you just can’t pass up any opportunity to burn Sansa, huh? In the end I’m going to give it to Cater because these are school uniforms and she’s the only one prepared for academics with her backpack. Even if it is super tiny. Her finger gun pose while holding a real gun in her other hand is so meta I can’t even handle it. Also I like her idle animation.
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Jillian

Cater is a slightly more interesting Cinque with the backpack and knee-highs, but otherwise, yawn. It’s between Seven and Rem for me: I love the extra layer of ruffles Rem is rocking on both her skirt and jacket, and the balance between the longer-yet-thinner cape. Her dual swords have more style than any of the other girls, especially with their turquoise insets. Seven is doing her own thing, forgoing the cape entirely but keeping a pop of red thanks to the unbuttoned collar of her jacket. She has the only hairstyle I don’t want to shave, and the good sense to wear biker shorts under her skirt. Love her scorpion whip and v-cut boots, but minor deduction for the oversized spaulders. I’m giving it to Seven, in spite of Rem’s guilt-inducing doe eyes.
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Erin

Cater…bang bang! Finger gun! Pew pew pew! Did she take that pistol off of a dead pirate? I’ve had that haircut in real life and can tell you, it is not cute. As for Rem, I like her Mary Jane shoes and added (modesty?) ruffle. I’m also a fan of a weapon in each hand! Her earbangs border on long layers, so I’ll be a little less grossed out with her hair, but that part down the middle of her hair, with it hanging so long down the sides, drags her whole face down. Does it bother anyone else that four of the girls are wearing (ugly) loafers and three are not? It’s a tossup for me between Rem and Sice, but because Sice doesn’t have earbangs (I will call them “swoopy side bangs”), she wins the whole thing.
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Winner(s): Cater, Seven, and Sice

FinalFantasyType0Ladies_Winners

Who Wore It Best? | Final Fantasy X-2 White Mage

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Final Fantasy X-2 White Mage


Joey

If Paine’s robe was longer and didn’t have a hole in it, she would have taken this. I’ll give Rikku an edge over Yuna for a slightly bolder look. Not sure why all three have flame wrist details around their cuffs, though.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Rikku Yuna Paine

Erin

No surprise here, Yuna looks the classiest out of the lot. Coolest staff, no cutouts, no feathers (or is that hair?). Slight edge for 2nd to Rikku, because I really don’t like Paine’s tunic and hood situation.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Jillian

The belly cutout theme on Paine is starting to get old. Does she buy her clothes that way or cut holes herself? Rikku’s crazy turban headscarf is too much, although the detailing on her robe is feisty. Yuna’s is a little too bland. She also appears to have a random tooth dangling from her staff; don’t want to know what that’s about.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Rikku Yuna Paine

Winner: Rikku

RikkuWhiteMage

Who Wore It Best? | Final Fantasy X-2 Black Mage

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Final Fantasy X-2 Black Mage


Joey

The most important part of witch/mage costumes to me is the hat. Yuna’s has the best color and least ridiculous tassel. Rikku’s green/pink color scheme is so distracting and non-black magey. Despite the silly midriff, at least Paine has some black on her.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Paine Rikku

Erin

What is this, Hocus Pocus and everyone is Sarah Jessica Parker? Or worse yet, part jesters? Once again, Yuna is winning (probably by default). No weird stomach cutouts and no tacky knee highs. Earrings go on your ears, Paine. I can’t decide what’s worse, Paine’s dumb pants or the ugly knee highs on Rikku. I think the knee highs.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Paine Rikku

Jillian

What’s with the tiered straps they’re all wearing in different locations? It’s either a hip-hugger, shredded skirt, or waist-cincher, but not all three. I actually like Paine’s thigh-high bellbottoms, although it looks like they’re nailed into her legs to stay up. She wins for being the only girl that can probably move in her outfit; Rikku’s legs look glued together and Yuna’s going to trip after one step.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Paine Yuna Rikku

Winner: Yuna

YunaBlackMage

Who Wore It Best? | Final Fantasy X-2 Songstress

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Final Fantasy X-2 Songstress


Erin

Rikku looks like she’s part bird. I like Yuna’s ruffles and flowy skirt. Paine…puffy sleeves? Noooooo. Paine still gets 2nd because…I’m scared of birds.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Paine Rikku

Jillian

These get more offensive the longer you look at them. Agree with Erin on Rikku’s birdness–even she looks confused by this outfit. Paine is all over the place with perma-popped collar, bra peek, and what appears to be thigh-high stockings that match her white shorts perfectly? Yuna’s dress actually looks wearable, love the short ruffle detailing and layered skirts, plus super comfy boots.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Joey

Paine: Lady Gaga. Rikku: Katy Perry. Yuna: Adele? All three need to invest in some smaller microphones though.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Winner: Yuna

YunaSongstress

Hot Take | Final Fantasy XV Player Characters

In Hot Take features, we give our first impressions of newly-announced characters. This week, we take a look at the main men of Final Fantasy XV that were confirmed at the Tokyo Game Show and are pictured below (from left to right): Prompto, Gladiolus, Noctis, Ignis and Cor.

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Joey

I love how as you move from left to right, the outfits get more and more subdued. As someone who was mocked by his friends from wearing long shorts (capris according to them) in college, I’m glad that Noctis is sharing my passion for cool breezy hamstrings but covered knees. I liked the patterned shirts on the right three, but the exposed shoulders in Prompto and exposed chest on Gladiolus kind of break up their gang-synergy. At least I’m assuming they’re a gang, what with their matching red soles and all.

Erin

Gang or Boyband, I’m loving the coordinating getups. I think four out of the five are pretty strong. Ugly tattoos and top-to-bottom patent leather on Gladiolus is the weakest link here. Also want to note: Gladiolus is a pretty, pretty flower. The accessories are questionable, namely the quantity of fingerless gloves and the one pair of camo cuffed…cowboy boots? I’m hoping for his own sake, Ignis works behind the scenes. He looks like the guy they keep in the back of the van monitoring computers while everyone else is inside…opening safes? Roundhouse kicking people in the head? Glasses and hair like his don’t often get into quarrels and fisticuffs.

Jillian

I think we should go with “gang,” because this is a walking mass of Hot Topic shopping spree. Amazingly, they each managed to find about ten different items without doubling up on anything, although I’m sure a fight broke out over who would get Cor’s skull deep-V and Noctis’s fingerless gauntlet. Prompto has too much of a Daryl from The Walking Dead vibe, complete with punk-hillbilly vest and perfectly styled “messy” hair. Gladiolus is a mess of pleather as Erin mentioned, but I like his bonus giant crotch zipper. I’m not on board with Noctis/Joey’s flood pants, although he has the best boots of the group and is displaying them proudly. His pseudo-military dress shirt is also all business. Ignis is so stiff I think he might be a mannequin they stole from the store, so his playful leopard print blouse is a bit out of place. Cor’s elf-toed rain galoshes are just…no, but at least he had the decency to put an undershirt beneath that ultra-deep-V.

Who Wore It Best? | Final Fantasy X-2 Warrior

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Final Fantasy X-2 Warrior


Erin

I wish I had a better view of Yuna’s sword; the hilt looks pretty cool! I also like her shoulder pads. Rikku has definitely improved here, but the rounded toe/Mary Jane type footwear is a little goofy looking. Paine isn’t properly armored out: the off-the-shoulder number restricts arm movement AND looks like the top of a prom dress circa 1991.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Jillian

I actually like Rikku’s outfit here. She looks like a ninja android, and her shoulder shields are interesting but not over the top. Yuna looks totally out of place in this garb, like her head was Photoshopped onto someone else’s body. And again with the pooch window! Paine’s fauxhawk wins this outfit for her, which–based on amount of straps we can see from the back–is probably cheap and awful-looking from the front.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Rikku Paine Yuna

Joey

My god, those pointless straps on their legs are horrible. However, Paine’s are less color-clashy so she wins. Yuna gets the edge over Rikku for less offensive boots.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Paine Yuna Rikku

Winner: Three-Way Tie

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Who Wore It Best? | Final Fantasy X-2 Thief

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Final Fantasy X-2 Thief


Joey

All three are glorified bikinis, but somehow I’m most drawn to their shoes. Rikku’s are boring, but Paine’s heels seem terrible for thieving. Is Yuna wearing two kinds of socks? Is she cold? The rest of the outfit tells me otherwise.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Erin

These are all bad. Really bad. I think Paine’s heels and whale tail are the biggest offenders. Wait. They all would have whale tails based on the hip straps. Slight edge to Yuna for color palette, Rikku’s is too dull.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Jillian

Paine looks hunched over in…pain, and nothing about that outfit is ready for fighting. To top it off, five different shades of purple, which I didn’t know existed. Yuna’s layered skirt is pretty attractive in spite of being held together by haphazard stitches. I’m confused by her outer, gravity-defying socks. Rikku isn’t worth commenting on, except I think something died on her arms.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Winner: Yuna

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Who Wore It Best? | Final Fantasy X-2 Gunner

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Final Fantasy X-2 Gunner


Joey

I think Yuna pulls it off the best, since she is the only one to not resort to needless midriff exposure. Paine’s popped collar gives her the slight edge over Rikku. 1st Yuna. 2nd Paine. 3rd Rikku.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Paine Rikku

Erin

While I think the belly button cutout on Paine is kind of weird, I really like the color palette. I think she also wins for most impressive gun. Yuna is wearing jorts but I think it kind of works nicely with her fanny pack. Rikku’s high cut briefs and what I think is a blue visor ruin her outfit for me.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Paine Yuna Rikku

Jillian

I like everything about Paine’s outfit except the pooch window. Her skirt-wing is a battle-ready length and her shirt is an intriguing combination of business casual and hockey star. Yuna’s outfit is just a sluttier version of her FFX get-up with way too much cleavage, although the colors work on her. Rikku looks like she fell in a vat of sunless tanner; she was probably distracted by the shirt that appears to be slowly choking her to death.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Paine Yuna Rikku

Winner: Paine

Paine Gunner

Fashion Panel | Final Fantasy VI Mog/Umaro/Gogo

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Final Fantasy VI Mog/Umaro/Gogo


Joey

Ugh. Even Umaro has weird Patrick Swayze hair. I’m not quite sure what to say about Mog, he’s cute and I like that he dances, but compared to other moogles, he’s not that special. I can barely look at Gogo without retching.

Erin

Gogo LOOKS like vomit, that’s probably why, Joey. Honestly, Umaro doesn’t fare much better. Abominable Snowman Barney? Mog wins this hands down not only for being adorable, but also for his glass of wine, for grooming, and general lack of disgusting headgear.

Jillian

This is a bit unfair since Gogo’s the only one actually wearing clothing, but I can’t ignore the resulting catastrophe. He’s like a post-shopping spree explosion at Jo-Ann Fabrics. Umaro needs to borrow some of Gogo’s spoils and cover up: those muscle rolls and World’s Strongest Man pose are not doing it for me. Mog is white in some instances and dingy beige in others: stop binge-drinking and take a bath.

Erin

It’s been a while since I looked back at these three and woof. My reaction to Gogo and Umaro are just as visceral. Still gross. Gogo is wearing one horn off to the side, not even unicorn style! Maybe I’m seeing this wrong? The lack of symmetry bothers me. Umaro would be just as gross even if he dressed up like his sort of look-a-like, the Great Grape Ape from Hanna-Barbera cartoons. Putting on my blinders and pretending Mog is the only one in this group.

Joey

I think I’m going to throw out a 1 (!) for Gogo. Everything about his look is offensive to me. I can’t imagine an outfit being significantly uglier than his. I also realized that Umaro is basically a white-furred ape. I don’t care for apes. I’m not sure if any clothing or fur-stylings would help him, but I definitely don’t approve of this nude look he’s got going on.

Jillian

I’m going to try to find one good thing about Gogo because I feel bad about the ultra-dumping he’s taken. His, uh, dragon-bird-hat thing looks soft. Umaro needs a fur trim. Mog wins by process of horrified elimination.


Final Scores

  Mog Umaro Gogo
Joey 5 2 1
Erin 8 1 1
Jillian 4 3 2
Total 5.5/10 2/10 1.5/10

Fashion Panel | Final Fantasy VI Strago/Gau/Shadow

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Final Fantasy VI Strago/Gau/Shadow


Jillian

Shadow’s clothes seem way too tight for a ninja. Also, giant shoulder spike is probably counterintuitive to ninja-ing about. I always thought Gau was wearing a torn shirt, but his chibi portrait looks like a poncho. It’s a bit too mom-out-on-the-town for an orphaned wild child, especially when paired with the polka-dotted skirt. Strago is obviously a mess and appears to have woken up and thrown his mage-cape over his pajamas. Or, based on his red-nosed portrait, he’s just drunk.

Erin

I agree about the too tight clothes. Paired with the motorcycle helmet, I feel like I need more air. Gau…this outfit is pretty weird, but just finding out he’s a wild child..it makes more sense? Fred Flintstone meets Hunter S. Thompson? Good call with Strago on the pajamas, Jillian. He even has the matching bedhead. That cape collar is something else.

Joey

Shadow is as generic looking as they come, but I’m going to give him a bonus point for naming his dog “Interceptor.” I’m not sure if Gau’s top qualifies as a poncho, it’s so small. What it does qualify for, though, is being ugly. Strago’s outfit is a mess of assorted patterned cloth. I feel like even a clown would look at him and think “dial it back, old man.”

Jillian

Clown insults, ouch. Strago gets a few points for rocking the weirdest old man hair possible, with that ridiculously long mohawk and mouth-eclipsing mustache. Gau loses a few more points for what appear to be heel straps with no wraps. In Shadow’s portrait the red lining of his hood looks like a creepy smile–is he the clown that’s abusing Strago? If so, extra points.

Joey

Gau loses even more points for his sideburns-ponytail-flattop haircut. I disagree about the Strago haircut. There’s a time and a place for mohawks and senility isn’t it. I know this game is old, but I just can’t with these hairstyles. I suspect that Shadow looks like this under the mask.

Erin

I once had a crazy old relative who came to a party and insisted that Montell Jordan’s popular hit “This is how we do it” be played because it was her jam. Joey, I think that would be the equivalent to Strago’s senile mohawk. Also, I thought Shadow was a woman, pardon me for being a ponytail sexist. Overall, I think Shadow has the advantage…generic wins over tacky this time.


Final Scores

Strago Gau Shadow
Jillian 4 3 5
Erin 3.5 2 5
Joey 3 3 4
Total 3.5/10 2.5/10 4.5/10