Fashion Panel | Final Fantasy VI Setzer/Relm

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Final Fantasy VI Setzer/Relm


Erin

Toad? Is that you, pretending to be Strawberry Shortcake? Relm, what are you thinking? I like her colors, but those bottoms are a little diaper-y. Setzer is a lot of coat and hair and black and gold, but nothing is really standing out.

Joey

I was thinking those pants were less diaper-y and more MC Hammer-y. And as an Oakland native, I will never naysay the hammer pants. That headgear though? Yikes. I like Setzer’s coat and his puffy shirt.

Jillian

This girl couldn’t look more different in each variation: she’s obviously wearing an oversized red bow in sprite-form, but randomly has a gypsy scarf-hat on in her portrait? Also not sure where the hammer pants came from in the chibi shot, but they’re terrible. There’s not even a leg separation, it’s just a giant pant-bulb. Setzer has always been one of the best-dressed FFVI characters; love the oversized coat with the popped collar and the long, devil-may-care hair. He pulls it off.

Erin

On second glance, I really like Setzer’s silvery white hair, especially with the sort of Jack Sparrow hair beads shown in the headshot closeup. (I might be seeing things?) The long coat and white hair remind me a little of Dante from Devil May Cry. Relm…Jillian used the perfect word. Bulb. You know what she kind of looks like with the bulbous hat and pants? A human hourglass.

Joey

Wait, I thought hourglass figures were supposed to be appealing? I guess it just gets weird on children. I do think Setzer’s hair could use a little managing. It’s wild style conflicts with his otherwise controlled dress.

Jillian

But the “hourglass” portion is supposed to be elsewhere, not your head and knees. There also appears to be a random hole in the top of her hat to let one wisp of hair out for no reason. I think Setzer needs the wild hair or else he’ll look too put-together. I hadn’t noticed the Jack Sparrow beads before Erin mentioned them, but those actually lose points for me: too Michael Scott just back from Jamaica.


Final Scores

Setzer Relm
Erin 6 3
Joey 7 3
Jillian 8 4
Total 7/10 3.5/10

Fashion Panel | Final Fantasy VI Celes/Cyan

FFVI_CelesCyan
Final Fantasy VI Celes/Cyan


Jillian

First off, I’m ignoring Cyan’s chibi version because dat mustache. Despite being an honorable old knight, he can’t pull off the scraggly ponytail. Let it go, man. Celes is obviously one of the most beautiful and powerful women in Final Fantasy history. So why does she wear a leotard as armor? It’s way too Street Fighter Cammy and not enough badass army general.

Joey

Cyan’s chibi moustache is amazing, but I agree about the ponytail. Anyone that old shouldn’t have hair that long. Meanwhile Celes’s headband ruins any kind of general cred she might hope to have. She looks like she would fit in more on the set of The Warriors.

Erin

Could Cyan look any more like a bad guy with that mustache? Celes better watch out or she’ll end up tied to some train tracks. Agree on the headband…trying to pull out some bangs there does nothing to make it look better. The closeup of her head has a much nicer headpiece styling.

Jillian

Erin’s spot on, that’s a pure silent film thumb-twirlin’-mustache if there ever was one. I think chibi version of Celes is misleading as well; she’s obviously wearing barrettes, not an ’80s work-out video headband. I’m giving her extra points for the power cape that has built-in shoulder pad armor and flows around her sprite so elegantly–simultaneously dainty and strong.

Joey

I had totally forgotten that Celes also has the only wardrobe change in the game, where she really improves all around. Well done, Celes. Cyan should have taken note. Even Celes’ hair length is more manageable.

Erin

Whoa, Joey, that dress is awesome! You’d never know that the little chibi and this pretty lady are supposed to be the same person. As for Cyan…lipstick on a pig? I don’t think anything can help this guy.


Final Scores

Celes Cyan
Jillian 7 4
Joey 7 3
Erin 6.5 3
Total 7/10 3.5/10

Fashion Panel | Final Fantasy VI Sabin/Edgar

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Final Fantasy VI Sabin/Edgar


Joey

Sabin and Edgar are two of my favorite characters in FFVI, mostly because of Edgar’s shameless flirting and Sabin suplexing trains. However, it’s like they are competing with each other for worst hair in the series. Buzz cut gone awry plus a rat tail? Super long ponytail with two ribbons? Dial it back brothers.

Erin

Two brothers that look like they’re from different worlds. Fable vs Street Fighter? Heath Ledger in The Patriot vs Dolph Lundgren in Rocky 4. Edgar brings the class with two bows, while Sabin’s rattail looks ready to bust some skulls.

Jillian

Love Edgar, but his portrait is always a little “creepy Lestat.” And Sabin looks about a decade older despite being the younger twin, thanks to weird gray skin tint. Too much time in the mountains? However, Edgar pulls off the totally unnecessary double bows and Sabin can certainly rock a purple muscle tank.

Erin

Oh my god, “creepy Lestat” is a perfect description for Edgar. I don’t know why I didn’t see this before, but Sabin is definitely dressed like Aladdin. Sure, it’s a fierce tank instead of an open vest, but really all he needs is a little monkey friend. While both are stylish, I’m partial to Edgar’s full blown regalia.

Joey

You’ve given me more appreciation for Sabin by pointing out the Aladdin resemblance. I do like the pants and scarf/belt combo. Very martial arts. Meanwhile comparing Edgar to a vampire has ruined him in my eyes. Well done Jillian. Also FFVI lovers=Twilight Fans now.

Jillian

Sabin’s a little too beefy for me to really view him as scrawny starving street rat Aladdin, but the scarf/belt does bring up memories of Arabian Nights. His sprite hairstyle is totally Bad Dudes, though.  I won’t apologize for Edgar-vampire. He’s a total ladies man and he lives in a castle that can burrow underground, basically a giant stone coffin. Also, he kills people with chainsaws while wearing double-bows, so extra credit there.


Final Scores

Sabin Edgar
Joey 6 4
Erin 5 7
Jillian 5 6
Total 5.5/10 5.5/10

Fashion Panel | Final Fantasy VI Terra/Locke

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Terra/Locke


Joey

As much as I like Locke as a character, the collar up sleeveless vest makes him look like a tough guy in some cheesy 80s flick. Terra’s original look has a shoulder pad ratio of like 1:1. That is way too high.

Jillian

I’ll give ’80s tough guy Locke the benefit of the doubt and assume the high collar and lack of restrictive armwear is helpful in sneakery-slash-thievery. His hair, even in 1994 pixelated form, is pretty impressive–very wind-blowable. I’m having trouble reconciling the two Terra pictures. Rigid shoulder pad central on one version, supple bare-armed on the other. So I’ll just say: red dress, green hair, no way. It’s never Christmastime in Final Fantasy VI.

Erin

It’s a holly, jolly Terra, and I’m on board. Something about that green/teal hair screams sass to me. I like it. I’m with you on the shoulder pads, she looks like a linebacker. As for Locke, I enjoy his jean vest, although it seems to me like he wants to steal the Karate Kid’s lunch money. Is Locke also wearing Uggs?

Joey

Those do look like laced up Uggs! Disapproval! I suspect that he’s wearing a tank top underneath. I do like the red/green combo on Terra and everything from the waist up is pleasant, but those white patterned leggings look like an easter egg gone awry. Truth of the Universe #325: white leggings are unacceptable. Addendum to Truth of the Universe #325: White leggings with patterns on them are even more unacceptable.

Jillian

Is dressing like a Christmas tree a popular past time in California? I won’t forgive Terra for the red and green combo, but I do love her made-for-kicking-ass boots and dress that looks like it secretly doubles as body armor (again, chibi version, the modern version looks like a rug from the entrance to a Thai restaurant). I don’t see visible fur on Locke’s boots so I think they’re Ugg-free. But the plain white Calvin Klein undershirt is a bit too “I’m not even trying.” We know you are, Locke.

Erin

You’ve convinced me that Locke isn’t sporting Uggs, so he gains a full point back from me. I can’t help it, I think Terra’s devil may care attitude with the color mixing and that delightful costume jewelry is fierce! I can even forgive the shoulder pads. Is my love of her just because I secretly wish I had teal hair? Maybe, but I’m okay with that.


Final Scores:

Terra Locke
Joey 6 5
Jillian 6 7
Erin 8 6
Total 6.5/10 6/10

Fashion Panel | Final Fantasy V Cast

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Final Fantasy V Cast


Jillian

It’s really hard to find a good picture to use for FFV. All the “official” (but non-Amano) art is super-deformed, so that will be the primary basis. I think this fan art does a pretty accurate job of translating their freelancer outfits, except I’m not sure where Galuf is in the image. And here’s a picture of the characters as dogs, for some reason.

Bartz: Possibly the most boring outfit ever for one of the most boring characters ever. It’s just…nothingness. It’s skin-colored pants and shirt with a blue tunic over it. I assume the blue tunic is just so we know he’s not naked, because it seems a little flashy for Bartz. Have always liked his hair though, it’s the like the reverse Flock of Seagulls ‘do.

Lenna: Lenna was rocking the short orange dress way before Selphie tried to. Before getting hooked on What’s Not to Wear?, I would have said “Pink hair with orange dress!?” but I’ve learned that different colors apparently rarely clash, so I guess it’s okay. Otherwise, very straightforward and boring as well. A belt, a necklace, and what appear to be (in the super-deformed picture) ballet shoes? Not sure why, but I like that random addition.

Faris: I don’t hate Faris’s outfit, but it doesn’t really scream “pirate” to me, despite the fact that she was living as a pirate king prior to joining up with Bartz. The scarfy-shoulder thing is pretty badass and also serves the double function of hiding her chest (double pun intended). Her super-deformed shoes appear to be suede boots with metal blades on top, which is possibly the coolest thing ever.

Galuf: I’m sure Joey’ll give him guff just for being old, but his outfit is one of the better ones in FFV. The yellow/purple/blue color combo is interesting but not nauseating, it seems comfortable and functional, but has a little pop thanks to the pointy vest shoulders. Also, props for being one of the few FF characters to be able to grow a beard.

Krile: Galuf_Krile_ReunitedKrile gets points for having amazing hair–look at that ponytail! It’s so wavy and thick. Otherwise, another boring outfit. Her shoulders are pointy and match her grandpa’s, which is cute, but minus points for lack of originality. In the iOS remake, her character portrait is disgustingly sexualized, considering she’s just a little kid. So extra minus points for that abomination.

Overall: Final Fantasy V’s outfits are just dull, boring, and uninspired–possibly because they spend most of their time dressed up in job class outfits, but that’s no excuse for not having a good base to start from. Unless we want to go into the billion different job outfits.

Joey

This is the only game with named characters that I haven’t played and I’ve realized they have the dumbest names in the series. I’m also not sure which person is which.

Bartz: The hair does have a weird wispy appeal to it. Some product, but not ridiculously spiky like some later protagonists.

Lenna: I like orange dresses but minus points for pink hair. Also is she a ballerina? Why is she the only one on her tippytoes?

Gauf: I don’t hate the Old Man hair/beard but his purple/turquoise jacket/blazer seems a bit Lane Bryant too me. I suspect there are shoulder pads beneath it.

Faris: Faris_artworkHer outfit isn’t terrible, but I agree that it won’t get her much pirate reputation. I feel like no one would join her crew because she’s a woman, and her pink hair just makes it worse. The character artwork makes her seem so much more pirate-like, but it doesn’t match her sprite whatsoever.

Krile: What a weird name. Is it pronounced like the animal that whales eat? How old is she? Her hair does look voluminous so points for that.

Overall: I’m not too impressed but not disgusted either. It would take too long to judge all the different jobs, but overall I think they have some good looks that are classic Final Fantasy. I’m going to bump up their score based on this image: look at that tiger hat!

Erin

I don’t know these characters, so the first image I saw was the characters-as-dogs fan art. I am really interested in playing that game. Or, adopting these dogs. I can’t stop laughing at whomever that is supposed to be on the bottom, but would def win 1st place at Westminster. Moving on.

Bartz: I think his approach here is sort of like what I’ve heard about makeup: play up your eyes or your lips, but don’t do both. He’s favored his coif over his tunic, because focusing on both would be too much for us to handle. The decision was a success because you both noticed what great hair he has…and was precisely what he wanted you to say.

Lenna: She’s cute, but I don’t think she stands out. I don’t quite see what she’s going for…if the dress was maybe a one shoulder number, or perhaps draped a different way, she’d have a bit of a Roman/Gladiator thing happening with the strappy shoes.

Faris: I would have never known she was supposed to be a pirate. That scarf is the worst. I feel strangled just looking at it.

Galuf: Is he wearing jammies and a robe? He IS pretty old, so maybe he is, and if so…good for him. Kickin’ it comfy style.

Krile: One of these things is not like the others. Is she on her way to math class? She looks like the kid that gets dragged along to grownup places because mom and dad won’t get a babysitter. Her outfit is a uniform and from my Catholic high school background, I know that uniforms do not reflect personal style…so, she’s neutral in my book.

Overall: I’m disappointed by the lack of effort, but impressed by the amount of hair.


Final Scores

Final Fantasy V Cast
Jillian 3
Joey 5
Erin 3
Total 3.5/10

Fashion Panel | Final Fantasy IV Cast

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Final Fantasy IV Cast


Joey

Okay, now we’re getting to the good stuff. Also, named characters that I know! Yay! This one is tough because I think it has the most remakes so there are like 7 different versions to look at. I’m going to go with the DS remake portraits shown on the character section of this website.

Cecil: I know we’ve discussed how much more I liked Dark Knight Cecil, and seeing them side-by-side only reaffirms my position. Paladin Cecil exposes his face, has silly shoulder horns, and this weird purple zebra motif going for him. Dark Knight Cecil may be plain, but he’s so much more intimidating.

Kain: My boy Kain over here doesn’t opt for the softer side of Sears and stays man-mode throughout the game. Dragoon is usually one of my favorite classes and Kain is representing them well here.

Rosa: If shoulder spikeys are silly on Paladin Cecil, then they’re doubly ridiculous on White Mage Rosa. It’s not terrible, but why is her crotch piece purple? I thought our attention was supposed to be on her bazongas. There’s too much distraction happening.

Rydia: I think Rydia’s revealing outfit is more scandalous since you met her as a little girl. It’s like losing touch with your daughter only to find out she grew  up to be a stripper. Her shoulder-less top is either an ancestor or descendant of Quistis’ later look. Also, too much green. You’re not a thief, Rydia! Still, it has a Jennifer-Lopez-At-The Grammy’s appeal to it.

Edward: I take back my earlier claim that a feather can fix hats. No feather in the world could save this hat-disaster. It’s like a cross between fedora and bowler hat. Unacceptable. I won’t even look at the rest of his outfit.

Edge: I guess a ninja needs freedom of arm movement, but I think he has more exposed back than necessary. Still, he’s rocking the bandana in proper face-concealing fashion and looks fine for the most part.

Yang: Here is where the wheels start coming off on FFIV’s quest for the top spot. I know the bald pony tail look is a thing for Chinese monks and all, but it just looks always looks atrocious when I see it. That coupled with polka dot PJs and brand tattoos make Yang the worst dressed of the bunch.

Palom and Porom: Oops. Spoke too soon. Palom’s the worse offender with his bowl cut, but both of them are pattern calamities. I know they’re just kids, but I don’t know how the rest of the party could stand to be seen with them. I would have kicked them to the curb unless they got some new duds.

Jillian

Cecil: Agree with Joey on the purple zebra motif, and also what’s that flame-like marking on his stomach? Very Lion King but totally out of the blue. However, I’ve always thought Dark Knight Cecil was way over the top and he’s still over the top here. He looks like he’s wearing some crazy Mass Effect armor; it’s too space age-y and skin tight for their time period. And why the giant spikes on his shoulders? Is he fending off surprise Buster shoulder rubs? And Joey: you forgave Dark Knight Cecil for shoulder spikes but not Paladin Cecil.

Kain: Kain’s outfit does seem fitting for a badass dragoon, although it’s more of a leotard than armor–if you look closely, only small sections of his body are actually armored. Also, did a giant fairy get smooshed on his stomach? What is that thing? It seriously looks like magical roadkill that he peeled up and plastered to his midsection.

Rosa: I want to hate her outfit, but I really like that lacey, see-through cape. The purple crotch piece is pretty insane, especially considering everything else is so white or muted. And does she have Christmas lights hanging from her waist? Also, what are those things on her knees? She has short boots on that stop at her ankles, so these are like golden-and-ruby Batarangs that got stuck to her.

Rydia: Agreed on the child-turned stripper issue, especially because her bio on that page says “A young girl from Mist.” Maybe that was the only way to pay her bills in the Land of Summoned Monsters. The arm sleeves look heavy and cumbersome; if you’re cold, put on a damn sweater. Her boots appear to be thigh-highs that attach to her leotard, which is crazy and probably makes it nearly impossible to go to the bathroom.

Edward: Oh, Edward. Do you think he’s sad because Anna died or because of what he’s wearing? Not only does the feather not save that hat, it’s definitely ridiculously too small for his head. His poofy pants and five-layered shirt are doing nothing for me. His hair is…fine.

Edge: It seems like that ridiculously oversized cape would get in the way of his ninja-ing. He’s about to snag it on his ninja stars in that picture. The little flowy half-skirt seems to be a thing for ninja-like characters, like the Prince of Persia, but I’m not sure why it’s necessary unless he has some secret butt stealth moves that need to be concealed.

Yang: Agree on the bald + ponytail, and it’s especially egregious with modern Yang because they’ve made him not Chinese at all. He’s just some American/British dude that’s trying to look like a monk and failing hard. Clown pants that he has to tie down to be functional, a billion arm bangles, and giant shoulder tattoo that probably means something dirty in Chinese culture that he wasn’t aware of add up to worst-dressed, totally.

Palom and Porom: They appear to be wearing basically the same thing with colors inverted (which is true in the original as well), so I’m combining them. Are they seriously wearing onesies? They’re kids, but they’re not babies. Also suffer from giant-jewel-on-chest disorder that our friend in FFIII had. Porom beats her brother because the bowl cut + tiny ponytail is the worst, and her boots are less “I’m a mage from Texas.”

Erin

Cecil: I agree on the Paladin Cecil vs Dark Knight Cecil. DKC’s armor is pretty amazing and I don’t think it would be as impressive without the funny horns/growths(?)…but the horns just don’t look as good on Paladin Cecil and it could be because there are fewer. He’s so sickly looking that I’m concerned for him. I do like his white body armor and would not like an elbow to the face with one of those gauntlets.

Kain: At first, I thought he looked pretty silly with his purple accents, turtle tummy, and giant shrimp fork. Then I thought, oh maybe it’s not so bad. Then I changed my mind for the final time. It’s a pretty silly outfit. The only component I like is his dragon helmet.

Rosa: This outfit is straight up lingerie with horn shoulder pads and ugly boots but I feel the same way Jillian does—I kinda like it, if only for her gorgeous cape. The granny panties and clunky boots were a huge mistake, though.

Edward: NO. All he needs is a wispy little mustache and a mason jar for tips and he could busk on the street in Portland. Get out of here with that hat, you pouty wimp.

Edge: I agree that his outfit is impractical given his choice of weapon. I don’t understand the apron/belly dancing hip cloth. I like his boots over everything else. I wonder if he shaves or waxes?

Yang: I don’t think much else can be said, except my ears hurt looking at his dumb earrings. He’s terrible.

Porom and Palom: I have to assume these Bananas in Pajamas don’t dress themselves and probably moonlight at Barnum and Bailey. Every single thing is bad—the haircuts, the attitude in their faces, the weird eyeball pattern inside their capes…I’m so glad I’m not ending with these future washed up child stars.

Rydia: I love everything—her hair, her cool boots, the beaded straps on her leotard. I do think the one piece number needs something else…a sarong? More impractical sleeves? Overall, even with the more ridiculous aspects of all of their outfits, they might be the best so far. Except the creepy twins.


Final Scores

Final Fantasy IV Cast
Joey 6.5
Jillian 7
Erin 7
Total 7/10

Fashion Panel | Final Fantasy III Cast

Final_Fantasy_III_Cast
Final Fantasy III Cast


Jillian

This image seems to be the current canon for their outfits based on cosplayers, so we’ll use it. Okay, hoo boy…

Blonde guy: Some kind of dual-personality Medieval thing going on here. He’s part puffy-shirted prince and part chainmail knight. If he actually went into battle wearing that, everything except his organs and crotch would be protected, so great idea. Also seems to be emotionally attached to the giant gaudy green gem on his chest that is probably important but also ridiculously vulnerable to attack, theft, etc. His hair appears to be layered but is all one length which is 100% impossible.

Girl: I don’t hate this outfit. The super-high boots are stylish and yet look comfy, she seems breezy and lightweight but is covered up. The super-short tunic shirt over black tights is a bit college skank for me, but she’s so covered up that I think she can pull it off.

Gray-haired boy: What is this buckle vest thing he’s wearing? That might be the single ugliest item reviewed so far, or at least tied with FFII Guy’s haircut. He’s also wearing a purple hoodie over a purple turtleneck, under that gigantic leather belt vest. I’m pretty sure this kid has already died of heat exhaustion from all those winter layers, but if he’s still alive he should be shot for topping it off with skin-tight white pants and a crotch purse.

Brunette boy(?): Pretty sure this is a boy based on eyelash length. I almost approve of this outfit. I feel like the giant mage coat with large, floppy collar has been over done, but pairing it with the tie-like scarf makes it more unique. Also like his color palette, very earth-toned but pastel springlike. I think he’s got a bit too much flowy-ness going on with the flowing jacket and the black straps (that must tie into a bow in the back?) and that belt is obviously completely unnecessary. He’s also a bit overly matchy; his boots match his jacket sleeves/gloves perfectly. 6/10 because of the girl and brunette boy. Wait, I just noticed blonde boy has SPURS on his already-too-ridiculous boots. Deduction for that.

Joey

Yes, I think we should use the most recent images so we have more to judge. One can only critique 50 pixels so much.

Blonde guy: Doesn’t the chainmail go up to his crotch and perhaps is worn under his shirt? I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. That honking green gem on his chest is my biggest issue with him. Is he trying to make Kate Winslet jealous? And yes, it does seem curious that he is the only one with spurs. Is the implication that he rides while others walk? Rude.

Girl: This is probably my favorite so far. I didn’t have those types of college skanks at my school so the black tights haven’t been tainted for me. I could do without the cross, though.

Ponytail boy: Yikes. I know this series later gets super over the top with belts, but these things are beyond huge. I’m okay with the hoodie, but turtleneck seems like he’s ready for a Christmas party and not an adventure. His pseudo-fanny pack is also way too loose. How will you get at your supplies when your pack falls to your ankles when you let it go?

Brown-haired boy: I agree this one is acceptable. Especially if he tightens his belt. We’ve discussed how I like scarfs/ties but I think this is one of my least favorite ways to tie one. Despite this snafu, overall he looks pretty stylish.

Erin

Okay, I thought there was one guy and three women…evidently I had this reversed. Well, they’re all very pretty in any case.

Blond guy: Those are some sexy chainmail stockings you have on…I wasn’t aware they fit so snugly. I understand the concept of pairing contrasting textures, but puffy powder blue sleeves, probably a red velvet waistcoat with armor just seems ill advised re: fashion and practicality. And that necklace…if you’re out fighting…or gallivanting…or whatever it is you do in your spare time, get ready to be choked by someone.

Only Girl: Your outfit is pretty cute, I like the flouncy bottom of your dress. I think you should reconsider either the color of your boots or the color of your tights. Oooo or maybe switch with Puffy Knight and throw some chainmail up in there.

Gray Haired Guy-I-Thought-Was-A-Girl: You look the most comfortable out of everyone and I dig the Katniss Everdeen vibes you have going on. Your man purse is going to fall down though, ask Only Girl–she’ll help. Is it wrong that I want this outfit? Maybe with fewer buckles.

Scarf Man: Why do you need a capelet AND a scarf? I feel like I’m choking just looking at you. Are the fingerless gloves so you can turn those pages of your book? I appreciate your dedication to education. I think I had a swing coat like yours as a kid (minus the capelet, you lucky bastard). Overall, except for Blond Guy, these outfits are decent! At least no spandex!


Final Scores

Final Fantasy III Cast
Jillian 5.5
Joey 5
Erin 6
Total 5.5/10

Fashion Panel | Final Fantasy II Cast

FFII_Cast
Final Fantasy II Cast


Jillian

Again, original cast image is pretty hard to judge. First, apparently capes became the thing in the year between FFI and FFII’s release.

Firion: I don’t think cape and bandana go together. You have to pick one or the other.

Maria: The high-top shoes say she’s ready to party, but the muscle-shirt tank top says no one’s invited.

Guy: Can’t tell if he’s wearing a skin-tight blue shirt or has painted his chest Braveheart style. Also appears to be pantsless, so can only judge on his cape, which doesn’t even have any movement mid-axe-swing. Probably some low-quality material that cost at least $5 more than his haircut.

Gordon: Dressed exactly like Guy except with snakeskin pants. Snakeskin does not go with the cape at all. And if we’re also judging hairstyles, everyone except Firion gets insta-KO’d–especially Guy with his Dumb and Dumber bowl cut. 3/10, with all 3 points for Firion’s bandana and hair.

Joey

FirionDissidiaModelEven though capes are cruise control for cool, FFII’s classes choose terrible outfits to complement them.

Firion: I actually thought Firion’s bandana was him having two-toned hair until I saw him in Dissidia. This bandana is even more useless than the Thief’s! Definitely the worst offender of the bunch.

Maria: Maria’s purple spandex say she’s ready to jazzercize.

Guy and Gordon: Whether it’s skin-tight shirt or overly detailed breastplate, it looks terrible and needs to go. And yes, bowl cuts are never a good idea. The outfits are terrible, but the hairstyles are the worst. Probably the worst in the series.

Erin

As the one with an outsider’s perspective, never having played FF games before, I have to say my first thought was, “these guys look like WWE wrestlers.”

Firion: …shoulder pads? Really? Guy‘s charging out there bare armed with an ax and you bring shoulder pads to the party? Shameful. Also I want your decorative Rainbow Brite-esque star boots.

Maria: Purple pants, purple apes, what I think are gold medallions (?), let’s do this. The power stance really displays her outfit best…the clear winner.

Gordon has obviously been crowned the King of Mardi Gras and is wondering how he got there.


Final Scores

Final Fantasy II Cast
Jillian 3
Joey 2.5
Erin 3
Total 3/10

Fashion Panel | Final Fantasy Cast

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Final Fantasy Cast


Jillian

Classic and at this point, pretty standard. Hard to judge the very low-detail original releases, so I’m looking at this image in particular from the PSP re-release. The Knight is a bit too pink and frou-frou. This is apparently where the MC Hammer onion pants for Black Mages originated. Also, wouldn’t wearing giant gloves get in the way of casting spells? The Red Mage looks pretty badass. Snuggie-like cape allows for movement and mystery, feather in cap is just jaunty enough. The White Mage is looking pretty elegant. She has a bit of a religious feel with the solid collar and total lack of shape–even nuns have some cut to their outfits.  Saved by the Red Mage.

Joey

Thief-ff1-pspI definitely agree that the Red Mage is the star of the show. I’m usually anti-hat, but feather-in-cap is too fresh to naysay. I’m actually a fan of the White Mage robes. They look so comfy. Like a Snuggie, but for casting magic instead of lounging around. One classic look not represented is the Thief. I’ve never been a fan of the green pattern-less bandana. If you’re trying to cover your hair to protect your identity, why is some hair sticking out? Shouldn’t a Thief have one’s face masked in order to conceal their identity? The Ninja does it! It’s not functional and doesn’t even look good. Still, it’s the only truly heinous outfit of the bunch.

Erin

Red Mage is the clear winner here…he’s Justin Timberlake in a field of Chris Kirkpatricks. But cuteness points to Black Mage and his floppy straw hat, comfy robe and pantaloons. He looks so ridiculous and unassuming that I’d think he’s basically the one you need to watch out for. No one expects the…Black Mage! The one at the top…who is that guy? The internet tells me he’s a knight. He looks like Dragon Ball Z, minus 5 points for his dumb headpiece.


Final Scores

Final Fantasy Cast
Jillian 5
Joey 6
Erin 5
Total 5.5/10