Who Wore It Best? | Star Ocean: The Second Story’s Makeover Quest

My replay of Star Ocean: The Second Story continues this week, and I’ve just made it to the Lacour continent. This means taking a roundabout trip through the port city of Clik in an attempt to charter a ship and, while waiting for that ship to board, being shown around town by a young rich kid named Ketil.

S02_ClikTour

Ketil’s idea of fun is stealing your wallet and then dressing you up in ridiculous outfits for his own amusement.

At this point in the game, you can only have three characters–Claude, Rena, and Celine–and Ketil selects a different outfit for each depending on whom you choose to humiliate.

SO2_ChooseClothes

This is, so far as I can remember, the only time in the game we see any characters wearing different clothing. So let’s compare Ketil’s fashion picks and decide if anyone can be considered the winner.

(Note: our not-so-great images were taken during our PSX playthrough. If you’d like to see this scene in action, there’s a great YouTube video of all three scenarios.)

Claude


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SO2_ClaudeCloseup

For Claude, Ketil appears to have picked the top half of a clown suit and a pair of black bikini bottoms. The purple top isn’t a terrible choice with Claude’s blonde hair and fair complexion, but the oversized yellow buttons and complete lack of pants scream “a five year old dressed me today.” He also appears to have some layered slouch socks which, while at least providing some warmth to his lower half, turn the ensemble into bargain bin workout instructor. Not appropriate for saving the world or leaving the house.

Rena


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SO2_RenaCloseup

From a distance, Rena’s ensemble appears to be a simple white mage robe with blue detailing to match her hair. Upon closer inspection, however, the main portion is definitely a jumpsuit with flared bell bottom pants. Thanks to the controlled v-neck, it’s slightly more John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever than 1970s Elvis, but the line of separation is razor thin. This outfit at least looks wearable, if not a blast from the past of a planet Rena has never even heard of.

Celine


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SO2_CelineCloseup

I’m suspicious that Celine’s outfit isn’t made of actual clothes, but the receipt tape from the store’s cash register. This appears to just be a long piece of string that Celine has wrapped around herself in Eve fig leaf fashion, although there’s about five feet of leftover string trailing the ground like a pet snake. This is somewhat fitting, as Celine is the most sexily dressed character normally, with her Heraldic crest tattoo peeking out from her upper inner thigh. But this ribbon bikini is even less practical than Claude’s pantsless disaster, threatening to fall off in the slightest breeze and trip her if she takes a single step.

Winner: Rena

SO2_RenaCloseup

Honestly, this is the only outfit that could actually withstand the world-spanning adventure our crew is on. Fashion-wise, it at least has some basis in history, even if it’s ’70s jumpsuit history. The real lesson here is: never let a kid with a blue rattail dress you.

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Who Wore It Best? | Bravely Default Arcanist

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Bravely Default Arcanist


Erin

Are they wearing fox tails? Is he shooting spider webs from that wrist? What is on her head? So many questions. I hate his hat and onesie. She looks ridiculous too, but ladies win because…no onesie.

Jillian

WHAT.  I can’t see anything on her except those ridiculous ponytails, so gents win because I can at least comment on his clothing. Which is terrible, and for some reason a cross between a paladin, fox, witch, and toddler, but THOSE PONYTAILS.

Joey

Disagree! Those extreme ponytails are amazing. I wish my hair could do that. So bombastic. Meanwhile I don’t even know what’s happening with his headgear. He looks ready to farm some rice, not to Arcanist. And I agree with Erin, onesies=auto-lose. Ladies.


Winner: Ladies

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Who Wore It Best? | Final Fantasy X-2 Psychic

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Final Fantasy X-2 Psychic


Joey

What is Paine’s obsession with pants!? I might be terribly misinformed, but if my memories of wearing big t-shirts as pajamas are correct, skirts/dresses are way more comfy. Meanwhile, Yuna and Rikku take full advantage of skirts being socially acceptable for girls. I like Yuna’s a bit more because of the darker colors and knee-high socks.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Erin

Oh my god, Paine. You look like one of my grandmother’s housecoats. Rikku looks really cute in her ruffled blouse and pleated skirt, but Yuna really takes things over the top. She looks awesome! Like a fiesty Mary Poppins-type. The knee socks and boots might be my favorite footwear combo of all of them.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Jillian

I assumed this class was “Geordi La Forge” at first glance, but Psychic, okay. These are probably the best trio of outfits we’ve seen, besides the ridiculous hand orbs and eye gear. Rikku’s school girl style has a hint of pirate and that skirt looks designed for dancin’. Paine is a bit bland in so much white, but the ribbed detailing, ring pockets, and fuchsia lining keep her from blending into the background. Yuna is the clear winner, though, with a gorgeous royal blue fitted dress, striking bow tie, and absolutely badass boots that make even fuchsia kneesocks and laces look good.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Winner: Yuna

YunaPsychic

Who Wore It Best? | Bravely Default Dark Knight

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Bravely Default Dark Knight


Erin

Ooo sharpey sharp. Kind of like pokey ants? These are very similar except for helmet spikes and shoulder things. I think he wears it a little better because the hair flowing from her helmet detracts from the overall look. Gents.

Jillian

Like Batman meets Gundam.  The biggest differences here are the headpieces and boots.  Gents have a lot more crap on both, so I’m giving it to the ladies.  Why does he need five spikes on his head and BOTH spurs and a forward spike on his boots? They’re also gold, which is super shiny and counter-intuitive to being a “dark” knight.

Joey

As much as I don’t care for that boot/spurspike, I think the gents’ helmet actually looks more stylish. Also, if we’re going to mock the Templar for attention-grabbing crotches, the Ladies’ Dark Knight should receive similar critique. Gents.


Winner: Gents

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Who Wore It Best? | Final Fantasy X-2 Festivalist

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Final Fantasy X-2 Festivalist


Erin

I don’t know what Rikku is holding or what that blob is near her head. I’m going to say she’s holding a bag of live goldfish and is eating cotton candy. I love her polka dot PJs. I would love to have Paine’s cute blue and pink short kimono robe, but the fascinator thing she has makes things a little strange. I don’t really have anything negative to say about Yuna, other than I still hate her rattail.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Jillian

I’m glad the girls had time to throw a pajama party. Yuna’s rocking the traditional look and I love her explosive polka-dotted sash and overly-happy moogle sleeves. Rikku is all about comfort here, but her t-shirt has a nice asymmetrical angel cat detail that pops. Paine is combining tradition and comfort, but the chocobo mask and parasol are a bit overkill, and her cameltoe toes are distracting.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Joey

Masks don’t work that way, Paine. This is not the ’90s and you are not a rapper. I like both Rikku and Yuna’s outfits. I’m pretty sure that they’re yukatas and not pajamas. Yuna’s gets a slight edge because I like the long sleeves and pattern a bit more. The moogle pictures could be cuter though.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Winner: Yuna

YunaFestivalist

Who Wore It Best? | Bravely Default Salve-Maker

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Bravely Default Salve-Maker


Jillian

If that’s a doctor’s head mirror, it makes some sense. I can’t get over the bra shoulder pads on the gents. Ladies, just barely.

Joey

As offensive as the ladies’ useless headgear is,  the bowling ball nipple-coverings and striped pants combined are worse. Ladies.

Erin

Gents, if only because based on her outfit I’d have no idea what her occupation would be. Poorly accessorized go-go dancer? He at least has a belt full of…salves?


Winner: Ladies

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Who Wore It Best? | Final Fantasy X-2 Mascot

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Final Fantasy X-2 Mascot


Erin

I don’t know what reason they have for dressing up as these guys, but Rikku looks amazing in that cat costume. Bonus points for cute booties. Paine makes me uncomfortable. The blank staring eyes, the weird turtle-without-a-shell thing going on, the culty robes. No thanks. Yuna reminds me of an Ugly Doll. Cheer up, little cat bat bear.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Rikku Yuna Paine

Jillian

To begin with, I’m ridiculously offended that Rikku is a cait sith instead of a cactuar. That said, her costume is the best. The aggravated eyes, tiny crown, red kerchief, and light cheek blush all create an adorable yet deadly combo. Yuna’s zombie moogle looks depressed and like it’s been peed on. Paine’s tonberry actually manages to make the second cutest creature in the Final Fantasy universe hideous. Take your hand off your hip, you don’t deserve to be cocky.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Rikku Yuna Paine

Joey

I agree with Jillian that Paine has somehow ruined the tonberry look. Even her cactuar doll doesn’t save it. I’m also questioning the x-eyes on Yuna’s moogle. It would be so much cuter like this guy. Still, the eyes on the cait sith costume are too good at peering into my soul so I’m giving Yuna the slight edge.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Winner: Rikku

RikkuMascot

Who Wore It Best? | Bravely Default Templar

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Bravely Default Templar


Erin

This armor is awesome! BUT omg that codpiece. There are practically arrows up by his shoulders pointing down to it. Again with the silly hair bow. Hair bow and tiara is a little much. I’m going to say gents win here, mostly because I can’t stop laughing at him. Ballsy.

Jillian

I have to give it to the ladies, even though I think she killed the Knight and stole her bow. The headpiece/crown works better with her hair, the feminizing orange accents are actually attractive for once, and her pose is totally “Come at me, bro.”  Gents…again, Erin has ruined them for me by pointing out the arrows pointing to the codpiece.  Also, from this direction, his “tail” thing is at a very unfortunate angle.

Joey

I’m going to throw in a vote for the ladies. The bow is necessary! How else will you know she’s female? It’s also more subtle than the aforementioned codpiece. Lastly, I won’t stand for the popped-collar armor that the gents are sporting.


Winner: Ladies

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Who Wore It Best? | Final Fantasy X-2 Trainer

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Final Fantasy X-2 Trainer


Jillian

We’ve gone from way-too-small shirts to ridiculously oversized sleeves. Yuna is actually too covered up here and her color scheme looks like day-old vomit. Rikku’s colors don’t match at all and her neck bra straps are doing nothing for “the girls.” Paine looks both comfortable and powerful here, with workable sleeves, a flowing skirt, and velvety bodice. Oh, and Rikku has a goat on her head.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Paine Rikku Yuna

Erin

The more I see Rikku, the less shocked I am by what’s going on with her. Of course she has a mystical goat on her head. Why wouldn’t she? It’s not so much the goat that is crazy to me now, its her ugly long sleeves. Paine looks like a pro with that bird on her arm and I like how the two are kinda matchy. Yuna, ugh. Day-old vomit is right, Jillian. All three women have too many things going on with laces in it. Biggest offender being the big blue skirt laces. Why why why?

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Paine Rikku Yuna

Joey

Monkey=auto last place. Especially monkeys on heads. So unhygenic. Paine’s darker colors work better overall and even kind of match her bird. Yuna’s outfit seems to fit her much better than Rikku’s, with less excess cloth around the sleeves and the hem. All three should be ashamed for their lack of leashes though. So irresponsible.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Paine Yuna Rikku

Editor’s note: Joey was the only one who recognized Rikku’s headgear as a monkey. Erin and Jillian insist it’s at least a monkey pretending to be a goat.


Winner: Paine

PaineTrainer