All These Updates Don’t Fix Final Fantasy XV’s Biggest Flaw

I’m quite conflicted about how I feel about Final Fantasy XV. There are some things I love (warping everywhere), some things I dislike (everything about Ignis) and some things I’m conflicted about (photo realistic food). All of the recent patches and DLC announcements don’t fix the biggest problem with the game: Prompto has no sleeves.


As seen above, even his “casual” outfit is sleeveless. I would understand if he had a gun show to display like Gladio here.


But no. He’s super thin. He’s the thinnest of the group! It just not a good look for him. And that bandana around his arm somehow makes it worse.



Click to reveal small endgame spoiler

Yes I know you can get an outfit for him at the end of the game, but by then it’s much too late as I’ve been blinded by his pasty arms for 99% of the game. I need a patch/DLC that covers him up from minute one.



Hot takes from the crew:

Erin: He looks like a youngish lady English teacher trying too hard to be cool.

Jillian: I feel like I need to feed this kid a sandwich.

Lorelle: He’s gonna get a sunburn.

Hall of Shame | Bravely Default Ranger

We’ve been a bit off our game recently but should be back with more regular updates soon. In the meanwhile, we’d like to submit our first inductee into the Hall of Shame: an outfit unanimously reviled by the Final Fashionista staff and worth bookmarking for fashion posterity.

Bravely Default Ranger

The Verdict:

This costume would be great if they were hunting for a yiffing partner at a furry convention. As if the comically oversized and obvious wolf masks weren’t enough to land them in the Hall of Shame (they are), these costumes make zero sense otherwise.

Why does the gent have a second tail acting as some kind of wolf mohawk? Why is the lady both dressed as a wolf but also wearing a decadent, decorative fur coat? What’s with the gent’s skeleton-stitch pantyhose and the set of arrows sticking out of their tails?

We can only imagine that they tried to commit wolf seppuku upon seeing themselves in a mirror, but ended up like their outfits: failures.

Who Wore It Best? | Star Ocean: The Second Story’s Makeover Quest

My replay of Star Ocean: The Second Story continues this week, and I’ve just made it to the Lacour continent. This means taking a roundabout trip through the port city of Clik in an attempt to charter a ship and, while waiting for that ship to board, being shown around town by a young rich kid named Ketil.


Ketil’s idea of fun is stealing your wallet and then dressing you up in ridiculous outfits for his own amusement.

At this point in the game, you can only have three characters–Claude, Rena, and Celine–and Ketil selects a different outfit for each depending on whom you choose to humiliate.


This is, so far as I can remember, the only time in the game we see any characters wearing different clothing. So let’s compare Ketil’s fashion picks and decide if anyone can be considered the winner.

(Note: our not-so-great images were taken during our PSX playthrough. If you’d like to see this scene in action, there’s a great YouTube video of all three scenarios.)



For Claude, Ketil appears to have picked the top half of a clown suit and a pair of black bikini bottoms. The purple top isn’t a terrible choice with Claude’s blonde hair and fair complexion, but the oversized yellow buttons and complete lack of pants scream “a five year old dressed me today.” He also appears to have some layered slouch socks which, while at least providing some warmth to his lower half, turn the ensemble into bargain bin workout instructor. Not appropriate for saving the world or leaving the house.



From a distance, Rena’s ensemble appears to be a simple white mage robe with blue detailing to match her hair. Upon closer inspection, however, the main portion is definitely a jumpsuit with flared bell bottom pants. Thanks to the controlled v-neck, it’s slightly more John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever than 1970s Elvis, but the line of separation is razor thin. This outfit at least looks wearable, if not a blast from the past of a planet Rena has never even heard of.



I’m suspicious that Celine’s outfit isn’t made of actual clothes, but the receipt tape from the store’s cash register. This appears to just be a long piece of string that Celine has wrapped around herself in Eve fig leaf fashion, although there’s about five feet of leftover string trailing the ground like a pet snake. This is somewhat fitting, as Celine is the most sexily dressed character normally, with her Heraldic crest tattoo peeking out from her upper inner thigh. But this ribbon bikini is even less practical than Claude’s pantsless disaster, threatening to fall off in the slightest breeze and trip her if she takes a single step.

Winner: Rena


Honestly, this is the only outfit that could actually withstand the world-spanning adventure our crew is on. Fashion-wise, it at least has some basis in history, even if it’s ’70s jumpsuit history. The real lesson here is: never let a kid with a blue rattail dress you.

One Item Makeover Extended | Samurai Warriors’ Koshosho

For those of you unfamiliar with the series, Samurai Warriors is a hack-and-slash game set in Japan’s Sengoku Era. The era is filled with historical figures and the latest game features 55 characters that are based on them. Now, obviously, many of them have been stylistically modernized and exaggerated to fit in a game world with insane action.

For example, the historical Nobunaga Oda was depicted in paintings like this:

The Samurai Warriors version is depicted like this:


He also flies around while attacking things with his darkness-infused sword.

So obviously, historical accuracy is not high on the developer’s priority list. However, the appearances of the characters themselves, while bold and stylized, had a cohesive and of-its-time look to them. That all changed with Samurai Warriors 4 and its new character, Koshōshō.


Now I don’t have a huge problem with the outfit itself, since there are more offensive things elsewhere in the series. The problem is the hair.

Magic swords and capes and flying? Sure.  

Combination perm(?) and dye job? Immersion lost.

No other characters in the series have hair as impossible as hers. She looks ridiculous by herself, but she looks even more outlandish when compared to the rest of the cast. Note: The guy with the giant fan is wearing a wig.


Thankfully, it looks like she has a DLC outfit that tames her improbable curls but doesn’t fix her improbable dye job:

So my one item makeover would be to go the extra mile and change her hair color to a more natural tone so that she doesn’t look quite so out of place in a game filled with traditional Japanese people:


Who Wore It Best? | Bravely Default Arcanist

Bravely Default Arcanist


Are they wearing fox tails? Is he shooting spider webs from that wrist? What is on her head? So many questions. I hate his hat and onesie. She looks ridiculous too, but ladies win because…no onesie.


WHAT.  I can’t see anything on her except those ridiculous ponytails, so gents win because I can at least comment on his clothing. Which is terrible, and for some reason a cross between a paladin, fox, witch, and toddler, but THOSE PONYTAILS.


Disagree! Those extreme ponytails are amazing. I wish my hair could do that. So bombastic. Meanwhile I don’t even know what’s happening with his headgear. He looks ready to farm some rice, not to Arcanist. And I agree with Erin, onesies=auto-lose. Ladies.

Winner: Ladies


Let’s Talk About | League of Legends’ Bard

Riot just introduced their latest addition to the League of Legends character roster: Bard, the “Wandering Caretaker.” Trying out our newest article format, “Let’s Talk About,” Jillian and Joey have a chat about Bard’s appearance and judge him on mostly superficial merits.

Jillian: Obvious first thought: descendant of No Face from Spirited Away.

Joey: Haha, okay, honestly I had a hard time figuring out how Bard even worked as a thing.

Jillian: Like, “What am I physically looking at here?”

Joey: Yes, exactly. If the thing that I think is his face is actually his face
It’s super small compared to the rest of his body.

Jillian: The gold thing appears to be his face, and you’re totally right.
In the main artwork it looks like he’s actually just a giant Santa wig that someone taped a mask onto.

Joey: Agreed. He’s just a mess of fur/hair. With some accessories.

Jillian: What’s up with his legs/feet? Are those drills?
Or one of those cups that retracts in on itself? Do his legs double as a hydration tool?

Joey: Whatever they are, they seem like they would be more difficult than stilettos to walk in.
Although based on these images he might just fly around, so he can choose painful footwear
Oh wait, scratch that last, I saw the video and he definitely stumbles around
Although it looks like every step is agony.

Jillian: He floats and stumbles: so pretty standard for a stiletto-wearer.


Joey: I’m not sure how I feel about the rings on his horn thing
Feels a little counter-culture
I wonder if he got them when he was a rebellious teen bard

Jillian: What’s hanging off the rings? Those gold things–good luck charms?
It’s an awkward mix of teenage mistakes and mystic ritual.
He’s also got bells attached to the end of his ponytail. I imagine he’s very jangly.

Joey: Agreed. He seems to make a lot of noise in those videos. As expected of a bard I guess?
But where’s his lute?
I thought those were mandatory.

Jillian: Huh, I didn’t even think about that.
Maybe that giant blue orb thing is some sort of instrument?
Although it’s definitely not lute-like; he seems to blow into it sometimes.
I think we need to talk about his clothes, although I’m trying to figure out what his clothes actually are.

Joey: This picture seems to have better angles.
Joey: Sidenote: the picture on the bottom left looks like he’s getting off of Air Force One and saluting the crowd.

Jillian: Haha, maybe it’s Clinton hiding under all that hair. With a blue orb saxophone.
I just don’t really get a “bard” vibe from this getup. Metallic blue shirt with rope-sized stitching and a full-body red apron is more “blacksmith” to me.
Maybe I’m too used to Edward-type waif bards, but this guy in general is way too beefy.

Joey: I dunno, his hobo look makes me feel sorry for him. Maybe it’s a tactic to get more tips?

Jillian: But he’s obviously doing okay for himself: that mane is way too thick and luxurious to not have been conditioned recently.

Joey: Good point. He could make some extra cash doing endorsements and maybe buy some actual clothes instead of an apron and some wristbands.

Jillian: Actually, looking closely at the presidential salute picture, I think those wristbands are covering up barrels that he’s using as gauntlets.


Jillian: How big IS this guy?

Joey: Maybe they are mini barrels?

Jillian: Like the barrel o’ monkeys game?
Now I’m just wondering what this guy did with all those monkeys.

Joey: Maybe his mane is made of monkeys he killed? If that’s so, I might have to get him.

I Never Noticed | Precis from Star Ocean: The Second Story

Video game art and costumes are surprisingly intricate (enough so that we can have an entire blog dedicated to them), meaning we often miss little details on our first or even fifth playthrough. “I Never Noticed” will point out some of these details for specific characters as we become aware of them.

The very first “I Never Noticed” should actually go to Yuna from Final Fantasy X-2, whose rattail was only recognized after Erin pointed it out to us in one of our many “Who Wore It Best?” entries. However, since we’ve talked about her at length recently, Yuna gets a reprieve this week.


I started another playthrough of Star Ocean: The Second Story a few days ago, and upon plotting out my character picks (you can only recruit eight of the eleven characters and some are either/or options) noticed a few new things about Precis.

First, she’s surprisingly short for no obvious reason. In the image above, you can see Precis (front row, left, brunette ponytail) is not only the shortest character, but she’s awkwardly smaller than everyone else. Although she’s the youngest girl, Leon–who is standing next to her–is four years younger at twelve, yet he stands a full head taller than her. She’s smaller than everyone else in battle as well, although not to such a bizarrely noticeable degree (especially when her mechanical arms are out and adding to her height).


More fashion-specific, I never noticed that Precis has two apparent wounds as part of her outfit: her right elbow features a band-aid cross while her left knee has a giant hole in the fabric of her tights. This is a fitting choice for the explosive, somewhat accident-prone inventor. She’s the only character with injuries incorporated into her outfit: even the perpetually unlucky Ashton is scrape-free (besides the two dragons fused to his back).

She also has a wheel on the side of each boot. While this makes sense for her mechanically-inclined personality and tactics, these don’t seem to actually come into play in-game: she’s no faster than the other characters and still walks normally instead of wheeling around. This makes the wheels more of a stylistic choice, as well as possibly the first documented use of Heelys, which were patented in 2000 (two years after Star Ocean: The Second Story was released).


Precis’s final “I Never Noticed” item is the control for her in-game weapon, the mechanical hands. She’s using a PlayStation controller and, specifically, the DualShock version. If you look closely, you can tell she is actually holding a controller in battle as well. Cleverly, for the PSP remake of Star Ocean: The Second Story–titled Second EvolutionPrecis is using a PSP as her controller instead of the DualShock.

Tales of Summer | Round 1: Tales of Hearts vs. Tales of the Abyss

It may not be swimsuit season yet, but we’re already dreaming of warmer and skimpier days to come. To insulate our brains from the worst part of winter (post-holidays, still cold), we’ve decided to focus on a swimwear tournament. Who better to make up the challengers than the costume- and beach-loving casts of the Tales series?


Our bracket consists of eight Tales games: Tales of Hearts, Tales of the Abyss, Tales of Symphonia, Tales of Vesperia, Tales of Xillia, Tales of Xillia 2, Tales of Graces F, and Tales of Zestiria.

Our first match-up is Tales of Hearts vs. Tales of the Abyss.

Tales of Hearts

First image, characters left to right: Beryl, Gall, Kohaku, Hisui, Kor
Second image, characters left to right: Kohaku, Ines, Beryl

Tales of the Abyss

First image, characters left to right: Guy, Jade, Anise, Luke, Natalia, Tear
Second image, characters left to right: Guy, Luke, Anise, Natalia, Tear

Additional images for Tales of the Abyss:


First, a disclaimer. I think the Tales of the Abyss outfits are technically used for a hot spring, so Jade wearing a bathrobe isn’t totally inappropriate. But most of the other outfits seem more beach-ready than spa-ready. The girls, and Guy in particular, seem to be ready for a dip in some sort of body of water. Unfortunately they’re kind of plain.

I also don’t approve of the head towel on Luke. Head towels are never appropriate.

Meanwhile, the Tales of Hearts crew seems to be more on point with the summer selections. The only thing that is appalling to me is the straw hat on Beryl. Just wear some sunscreen like everyone else.

My vote goes to Tales of Hearts.


I like all of the Abyss crew’s outfits with two major exceptions.  First, the positive standout here is Natalia: her usual outfit is so stuffy and dull that it’s nice to see her loosened up and relaxed.  Her swimsuit has a gypsy dancer vibe and I love her hair tucked up under the scarf.  Plus, that girl is built!  Look at her muscular back!  

Jade pulls off the robe well: he’s what, 30?, which is “crazy old” in Tales standards, so a robe and slippies are appropriate for his age.  Anise’s summer dress and shorts look super comfortable and breezy.  Luke is pretty forgettable: unlike Joey, I can forgive the head towel since it’s probably just a cooling-off mechanism.  

The real issues here are Guy and Tear.  I don’t know why Guy is wearing half of a diving suit.  It’s like he pre-shrunk it to show off his abs.  Tear’s got some sort of crazy failed chastity belt strapped around her waist and thighs.  Seriously, what IS that thing?  A frilled bottom or simple sarong would have been much better.  Like what Ines is wearing, which brings us to the Tales of Hearts crew.

I haven’t played Tales of Hearts, so I don’t know what these people usually look like.  Kor seems like he’d fit in in a Kingdom Hearts game.  I like his hooded jacket since, hey, it can get chilly at the beach, but am curious what those pieces of flair are.  One looks like a Hatsune Miku button, which is adorable.  

I assume Hisui is an almost-bad-guy who bullies Kor.  He’s even pointing gun-fingers at him in this picture.  I don’t think this guy was informed they’d be going to the beach: he’s just unbuttoned a dress shirt and rolled up his hipster teal pants.  That gold bangle is also a rust hazard.  I like the swimsuit on the dead-eyed girl, Kohaku.  Those are pretty massive bikini bows, but it works since the rest of the suit is so simple.  I wish the pink flower in her hair was some other color since she’s got a purple color scheme going on clothes-wise.  

The bearded guy, Gall…is this really an outfit?  He’s just wrapped in bandages.  He’s probably under doctor’s orders not to get those wet, so this is not proper beach attire.  Beryl is cute, I like her pink/green/white color scheme and frilly skirt.  The hat is acceptable–hey, she’s super pale and probably burns easily–but it’s a bit too Miss Chiquita Banana for me.  

Ines is tied with Natalia for my favorite outfit: I love her simple black bikini that’s been trimmed with pink.  Then the colorful sarong on top provides an optional pop with that same pink and some added teal.  Only downside are her shoes, which look like gladiator heels and are going to be a pain for beach-wandering.  

It’s a tough call since so many of the Hearts crew aren’t really beach-ready, but I hate Tear and Guy’s outfits enough to award this one to Tales of Hearts.


I’m not sure I know what exactly I’ve walked in on in these two scenes. Tales of Hearts reminds me of the cast of S Club 7 getting ready to crank up the hijinks. Tales of the Abyss…looks like someone’s hungover mom (Jade) (Jade is a man?) promised her (his) kid, Anise, a pool party that will never happen. But she invited all her friends already! How embarrassing.  

This group is a mess, with the exception of Anise, whose little outfit has cute detailing and age appropriate coverage. Tear’s outfit reminds me of Leeloo’s bandagey getup from The Fifth Element. Luke is ready for the beach, but no one is ready for his stupid bandana.

I’m glad the first picture makes it clear that Natalia’s headpiece is NOT attached to her wrap top, because it certainly looks that way in her standalone picture. The idea of that sounds so stupid that it makes me chuckle.

Guy’s crop top and long biker shorts is the worst outfit out of this group, but is not outdone by Gall’s creepy getup. If this was SNL circa the late 1990s, Gall would be played by Will Ferrell.

I like Hisui’s breezy beachwear and how Kor is prepared to fight foes on land and by sea (goggles around his neck). Beryl, Kohaku, and Ines have some nice suits on but that hat of Beryl’s is a little too Strawberry Shortcake for me.

Despite Gall’s grossness, I’m going to award this one to Tales of Hearts.

Winner: Tales of Hearts


Who Wore It Best? | Final Fantasy X-2 Psychic


Final Fantasy X-2 Psychic


What is Paine’s obsession with pants!? I might be terribly misinformed, but if my memories of wearing big t-shirts as pajamas are correct, skirts/dresses are way more comfy. Meanwhile, Yuna and Rikku take full advantage of skirts being socially acceptable for girls. I like Yuna’s a bit more because of the darker colors and knee-high socks.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine


Oh my god, Paine. You look like one of my grandmother’s housecoats. Rikku looks really cute in her ruffled blouse and pleated skirt, but Yuna really takes things over the top. She looks awesome! Like a fiesty Mary Poppins-type. The knee socks and boots might be my favorite footwear combo of all of them.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine


I assumed this class was “Geordi La Forge” at first glance, but Psychic, okay. These are probably the best trio of outfits we’ve seen, besides the ridiculous hand orbs and eye gear. Rikku’s school girl style has a hint of pirate and that skirt looks designed for dancin’. Paine is a bit bland in so much white, but the ribbed detailing, ring pockets, and fuchsia lining keep her from blending into the background. Yuna is the clear winner, though, with a gorgeous royal blue fitted dress, striking bow tie, and absolutely badass boots that make even fuchsia kneesocks and laces look good.

1st 2nd 3rd
Scores Yuna Rikku Paine

Winner: Yuna


Hot Take | League of Legends Lunar Revel Skins

League of Legends‘ annual Lunar Revel event is upon us and with it comes the usual smattering of Chinese-influenced skins that edit the appearance of the characters in-game. We took a look at the new event skins (plus a couple more) and judged whether each new skin was an upgrade or a downgrade from their previous look.

(Click on pictures for an enlarged view of the artwork.)

Battlecast Vel'KozArclight Vel'Koz

Vel’Koz: Battlecast >> Arclight


Downgrade. I think his original design of spacey eyeball tentacle alien is tired. Battlecast Vel’koz spiced him up a little, but Arclight Vel’koz is basically a palette swap of the original skin. Yawn.


Vel’koz Classic looks like some kind of Little Shop of Horrors Audrey 2 spin-off, so already pretty horrifying. Battlecast improved on this by just covering him in armor, so impenetrable flower-demon. But I actually think Arclight is a further upgrade: it looks like part of the Sphinx broke off and is terrorizing modern day with eyeball lightning. How do you even deal with that? Yikes.


Nidalee: Headhunter >> Warring Kingdoms


Upgrade. Warring Kingdoms Nidalee mostly wins due to the hairstyle. I know Headhunter Nidalee is supposed to be modeled after Predators and their weird alien braids, but it’s not a good look for them and it’s not a good look for Nidalee.


Definite upgrade. I agree with Joey on the Headhunter hair. Some people can pull off dreads, but she is apparently not one of them. I like both outfits about equal–the insectoid armor platelets and the segmented samurai variation–so the hair is really the deciding factor here.


Katarina: Slay Belle >> Warring Kingdoms


Upgrade. The Christmas-themed Katarina is almost good, but why did they give her orange hair when her natural red hair would have been perfectly Christmasy?


Oh, god, upgrade. That Christmas one is too much. I think the reindeer antlers push it over the edge: possibly the least threatening accessory imaginable. Love the gold detailing on the Warring Kingdoms outfit, especially along her upper legs. This could almost be a Christmas outfit with the red and gold but, you know, a non-ridiculous one.


Jinx: Mafia >> Firecracker


Upgrade. It’s an elegant look, but still maintains that manic feel that Jinx exudes. It’s an overall clean and cohesive look, whereas Mafia Jinx’s weapons/hat/attire clash in my opinion. Also she has a pearl necklace which will never be not-tacky to me.


First, I don’t play League, but I assume this girl is insane? She has utter crazy-face in both of these. I’m going with ‘upgrade’ as well. I love the flapper look, but Mafia Jinx is relying way too heavily on lavender. A little purple goes a long way, especially when your hair is bright orange. I love the full-arm dragon tattoo on Firecracker and the emerald accoutrements that provide pop without being over-the-top. I’d just recommend tights or a longer skirt if you’re going to wall-hang (or missile-hang) like that.


Annie: Panda >> Sweetheart


Downgrade. I’ve never been a fan of Carebears, which this skin is an obvious homage to. Annie herself is a bit mundane. I feel like the hearts are placed in odd positions as well; they should be complimenting the ensemble, not dominating it. It’s not terrible, but I find Panda Annie more appealing. Possibly due to my love of pandas.


Downgrade, ugh, ugh, ugh. This is just oozing dead-eyed-creepy-murder-doll. Way too many hearts as Joey pointed out, and way too many ruffles. She has ruffles on ruffles on ruffles. Panda Annie is a bit puffy for my tastes, but I love her panda-shaped hair and not-soulless-eyes. The panda, however, is horrifying and confusing: what’s with the straps on his head? Is he part football? Slight preference for Care Bear, major preference for Panda Annie.