Hall of Shame | Bravely Default Ranger

Posted on March 18, 2015 by Final Fashionista

We’ve been a bit off our game recently but should be back with more regular updates soon. In the meanwhile, we’d like to submit our first inductee into the Hall of Shame: an outfit unanimously reviled by the Final Fashionista staff and worth bookmarking for fashion posterity.

Bravely Default Ranger

The Verdict:

This costume would be great if they were hunting for a yiffing partner at a furry convention. As if the comically oversized and obvious wolf masks weren’t enough to land them in the Hall of Shame (they are), these costumes make zero sense otherwise.

Why does the gent have a second tail acting as some kind of wolf mohawk? Why is the lady both dressed as a wolf but also wearing a decadent, decorative fur coat? What’s with the gent’s skeleton-stitch pantyhose and the set of arrows sticking out of their tails?

We can only imagine that they tried to commit wolf seppuku upon seeing themselves in a mirror, but ended up like their outfits: failures.

Who Wore It Best? | Bravely Default Arcanist

Posted on March 2, 2015 by Final Fashionista

Bravely Default Arcanist

Erin

Are they wearing fox tails? Is he shooting spider webs from that wrist? What is on her head? So many questions. I hate his hat and onesie. She looks ridiculous too, but ladies win because…no onesie.

Jillian

WHAT. I can’t see anything on her except those ridiculous ponytails, so gents win because I can at least comment on his clothing. Which is terrible, and for some reason a cross between a paladin, fox, witch, and toddler, but THOSE PONYTAILS.

Joey

Disagree! Those extreme ponytails are amazing. I wish my hair could do that. So bombastic. Meanwhile I don’t even know what’s happening with his headgear. He looks ready to farm some rice, not to Arcanist. And I agree with Erin, onesies=auto-lose. Ladies.

Winner: Ladies

Let’s Talk About | League of Legends’ Bard

Posted on February 25, 2015 by Final Fashionista

Riot just introduced their latest addition to the League of Legends character roster: Bard, the “Wandering Caretaker.” Trying out our newest article format, “Let’s Talk About,” Jillian and Joey have a chat about Bard’s appearance and judge him on mostly superficial merits.

Jillian: Obvious first thought: descendant of No Face from Spirited Away.

Joey: Haha, okay, honestly I had a hard time figuring out how Bard even worked as a thing.

Jillian: Like, “What am I physically looking at here?”

Joey: Yes, exactly. If the thing that I think is his face is actually his face
It’s super small compared to the rest of his body.

Jillian: The gold thing appears to be his face, and you’re totally right.
In the main artwork it looks like he’s actually just a giant Santa wig that someone taped a mask onto.

Joey: Agreed. He’s just a mess of fur/hair. With some accessories.

Jillian: What’s up with his legs/feet? Are those drills?
Or one of those cups that retracts in on itself? Do his legs double as a hydration tool?

Joey: Whatever they are, they seem like they would be more difficult than stilettos to walk in.
Although based on these images he might just fly around, so he can choose painful footwear
Oh wait, scratch that last, I saw the video and he definitely stumbles around
Although it looks like every step is agony.

Jillian: He floats and stumbles: so pretty standard for a stiletto-wearer.

Joey: I’m not sure how I feel about the rings on his horn thing
Feels a little counter-culture
I wonder if he got them when he was a rebellious teen bard

Jillian: What’s hanging off the rings? Those gold things–good luck charms?
It’s an awkward mix of teenage mistakes and mystic ritual.
He’s also got bells attached to the end of his ponytail. I imagine he’s very jangly.

Joey: Agreed. He seems to make a lot of noise in those videos. As expected of a bard I guess?
But where’s his lute?
I thought those were mandatory.

Jillian: Huh, I didn’t even think about that.
Maybe that giant blue orb thing is some sort of instrument?
Although it’s definitely not lute-like; he seems to blow into it sometimes.
I think we need to talk about his clothes, although I’m trying to figure out what his clothes actually are.

Joey: This picture seems to have better angles.

Joey: Sidenote: the picture on the bottom left looks like he’s getting off of Air Force One and saluting the crowd.

Jillian: Haha, maybe it’s Clinton hiding under all that hair. With a blue orb saxophone.
I just don’t really get a “bard” vibe from this getup. Metallic blue shirt with rope-sized stitching and a full-body red apron is more “blacksmith” to me.
Maybe I’m too used to Edward-type waif bards, but this guy in general is way too beefy.

Joey: I dunno, his hobo look makes me feel sorry for him. Maybe it’s a tactic to get more tips?

Jillian: But he’s obviously doing okay for himself: that mane is way too thick and luxurious to not have been conditioned recently.

Joey: Good point. He could make some extra cash doing endorsements and maybe buy some actual clothes instead of an apron and some wristbands.

Jillian: Actually, looking closely at the presidential salute picture, I think those wristbands are covering up barrels that he’s using as gauntlets.

Jillian: How big IS this guy?

Joey: Maybe they are mini barrels?

Jillian: Like the barrel o’ monkeys game?
Now I’m just wondering what this guy did with all those monkeys.

Joey: Maybe his mane is made of monkeys he killed? If that’s so, I might have to get him.

Tales of Summer | Round 1: Tales of Hearts vs. Tales of the Abyss

Posted on February 18, 2015 by Final Fashionista

It may not be swimsuit season yet, but we’re already dreaming of warmer and skimpier days to come. To insulate our brains from the worst part of winter (post-holidays, still cold), we’ve decided to focus on a swimwear tournament. Who better to make up the challengers than the costume- and beach-loving casts of the Tales series?

Our bracket consists of eight Tales games: Tales of Hearts, Tales of the Abyss, Tales of Symphonia, Tales of Vesperia, Tales of Xillia, Tales of Xillia 2, Tales of Graces F, and Tales of Zestiria.

Our first match-up is Tales of Hearts vs. Tales of the Abyss.

Tales of Hearts

First image, characters left to right: Beryl, Gall, Kohaku, Hisui, Kor
Second image, characters left to right: Kohaku, Ines, Beryl

Tales of the Abyss

First image, characters left to right: Guy, Jade, Anise, Luke, Natalia, Tear
Second image, characters left to right: Guy, Luke, Anise, Natalia, Tear

Additional images for Tales of the Abyss:
Luke
Guy
Natalia
Tear

Joey

First, a disclaimer. I think the Tales of the Abyss outfits are technically used for a hot spring, so Jade wearing a bathrobe isn’t totally inappropriate. But most of the other outfits seem more beach-ready than spa-ready. The girls, and Guy in particular, seem to be ready for a dip in some sort of body of water. Unfortunately they’re kind of plain.

I also don’t approve of the head towel on Luke. Head towels are never appropriate.

Meanwhile, the Tales of Hearts crew seems to be more on point with the summer selections. The only thing that is appalling to me is the straw hat on Beryl. Just wear some sunscreen like everyone else.

My vote goes to Tales of Hearts.

Jillian

I like all of the Abyss crew’s outfits with two major exceptions. First, the positive standout here is Natalia: her usual outfit is so stuffy and dull that it’s nice to see her loosened up and relaxed. Her swimsuit has a gypsy dancer vibe and I love her hair tucked up under the scarf. Plus, that girl is built! Look at her muscular back!

Jade pulls off the robe well: he’s what, 30?, which is “crazy old” in Tales standards, so a robe and slippies are appropriate for his age. Anise’s summer dress and shorts look super comfortable and breezy. Luke is pretty forgettable: unlike Joey, I can forgive the head towel since it’s probably just a cooling-off mechanism.

The real issues here are Guy and Tear. I don’t know why Guy is wearing half of a diving suit. It’s like he pre-shrunk it to show off his abs. Tear’s got some sort of crazy failed chastity belt strapped around her waist and thighs. Seriously, what IS that thing? A frilled bottom or simple sarong would have been much better. Like what Ines is wearing, which brings us to the Tales of Hearts crew.

I haven’t played Tales of Hearts, so I don’t know what these people usually look like. Kor seems like he’d fit in in a Kingdom Hearts game. I like his hooded jacket since, hey, it can get chilly at the beach, but am curious what those pieces of flair are. One looks like a Hatsune Miku button, which is adorable.

I assume Hisui is an almost-bad-guy who bullies Kor. He’s even pointing gun-fingers at him in this picture. I don’t think this guy was informed they’d be going to the beach: he’s just unbuttoned a dress shirt and rolled up his hipster teal pants. That gold bangle is also a rust hazard. I like the swimsuit on the dead-eyed girl, Kohaku. Those are pretty massive bikini bows, but it works since the rest of the suit is so simple. I wish the pink flower in her hair was some other color since she’s got a purple color scheme going on clothes-wise.

The bearded guy, Gall…is this really an outfit? He’s just wrapped in bandages. He’s probably under doctor’s orders not to get those wet, so this is not proper beach attire. Beryl is cute, I like her pink/green/white color scheme and frilly skirt. The hat is acceptable–hey, she’s super pale and probably burns easily–but it’s a bit too Miss Chiquita Banana for me.

Ines is tied with Natalia for my favorite outfit: I love her simple black bikini that’s been trimmed with pink. Then the colorful sarong on top provides an optional pop with that same pink and some added teal. Only downside are her shoes, which look like gladiator heels and are going to be a pain for beach-wandering.

It’s a tough call since so many of the Hearts crew aren’t really beach-ready, but I hate Tear and Guy’s outfits enough to award this one to Tales of Hearts.

Erin

I’m not sure I know what exactly I’ve walked in on in these two scenes. Tales of Hearts reminds me of the cast of S Club 7 getting ready to crank up the hijinks. Tales of the Abyss…looks like someone’s hungover mom (Jade) (Jade is a man?) promised her (his) kid, Anise, a pool party that will never happen. But she invited all her friends already! How embarrassing.

This group is a mess, with the exception of Anise, whose little outfit has cute detailing and age appropriate coverage. Tear’s outfit reminds me of Leeloo’s bandagey getup from The Fifth Element. Luke is ready for the beach, but no one is ready for his stupid bandana.

I’m glad the first picture makes it clear that Natalia’s headpiece is NOT attached to her wrap top, because it certainly looks that way in her standalone picture. The idea of that sounds so stupid that it makes me chuckle.

Guy’s crop top and long biker shorts is the worst outfit out of this group, but is not outdone by Gall’s creepy getup. If this was SNL circa the late 1990s, Gall would be played by Will Ferrell.

I like Hisui’s breezy beachwear and how Kor is prepared to fight foes on land and by sea (goggles around his neck). Beryl, Kohaku, and Ines have some nice suits on but that hat of Beryl’s is a little too Strawberry Shortcake for me.

Despite Gall’s grossness, I’m going to award this one to Tales of Hearts.

Winner: Tales of Hearts

Who Wore It Best? | Final Fantasy X-2 Psychic

Posted on February 16, 2015 by Final Fashionista

Final Fantasy X-2 Psychic

Joey

What is Paine’s obsession with pants!? I might be terribly misinformed, but if my memories of wearing big t-shirts as pajamas are correct, skirts/dresses are way more comfy. Meanwhile, Yuna and Rikku take full advantage of skirts being socially acceptable for girls. I like Yuna’s a bit more because of the darker colors and knee-high socks.

	1st	2nd	3rd
Scores	Yuna	Rikku	Paine

Erin

Oh my god, Paine. You look like one of my grandmother’s housecoats. Rikku looks really cute in her ruffled blouse and pleated skirt, but Yuna really takes things over the top. She looks awesome! Like a fiesty Mary Poppins-type. The knee socks and boots might be my favorite footwear combo of all of them.

	1st	2nd	3rd
Scores	Yuna	Rikku	Paine

Jillian

I assumed this class was “Geordi La Forge” at first glance, but Psychic, okay. These are probably the best trio of outfits we’ve seen, besides the ridiculous hand orbs and eye gear. Rikku’s school girl style has a hint of pirate and that skirt looks designed for dancin’. Paine is a bit bland in so much white, but the ribbed detailing, ring pockets, and fuchsia lining keep her from blending into the background. Yuna is the clear winner, though, with a gorgeous royal blue fitted dress, striking bow tie, and absolutely badass boots that make even fuchsia kneesocks and laces look good.

	1st	2nd	3rd
Scores	Yuna	Rikku	Paine

Winner: Yuna

Joey

Downgrade. I’ve never been a fan of Carebears, which this skin is an obvious homage to. Annie herself is a bit mundane. I feel like the hearts are placed in odd positions as well; they should be complimenting the ensemble, not dominating it. It’s not terrible, but I find Panda Annie more appealing. Possibly due to my love of pandas.

Jillian

Downgrade, ugh, ugh, ugh. This is just oozing dead-eyed-creepy-murder-doll. Way too many hearts as Joey pointed out, and way too many ruffles. She has ruffles on ruffles on ruffles. Panda Annie is a bit puffy for my tastes, but I love her panda-shaped hair and not-soulless-eyes. The panda, however, is horrifying and confusing: what’s with the straps on his head? Is he part football? Slight preference for Care Bear, major preference for Panda Annie.

Wardrobe Review | Project Diva F 2nd

Posted on February 9, 2015 by Final Fashionista

Some characters have way too many items of clothing in their wardrobe and could use a little anytime-Spring cleaning. In Wardrobe Review, we’ll dive into a character’s closet and pick what should stay and what needs to go, What Not To Wear trash bin style.

First up to bat: Miku Hatsune of SEGA’s most recent entry in its Project Diva series, and singer of the original Nyan Cat song.

As you can see in the video below, Project Diva is a rhythm game with music videos playing in the background featuring different Vocaloids. Each Vocaloid has an impressive variety of “modules,” or outfits, to equip, but Miku herself has the most with a whopping 73 different modules. Jillian and I lay out our favorites and least favorites below.

Joey’s Picks: To Keep

Noble

I realized that I really don’t care for Miku’s default hairstyle. My three selections all reign in her absurdly long pigtails. Of the three, Noble is far and away my favorite. I love both uses of ribbons, the color selection, and especially the hairstyle. Simply gorgeous top to bottom. Too bad it takes a while to unlock since you get it for beating one of the last songs in the game on Hard, because I probably would have always just used this one.

Little Red

I’ve always been a sucker for red hooded outfits so the Little Red was a shoe-in. I really enjoy the floral patterns on the dress and the matching ribbons on her back and neck combined with the mini ribbons . I’m also a big fan of the yellow stitches on red fabric. Lastly, while I usually despise head accessories, the random cat(dog?) with the crazed expression is too cute to hate on.

Violet Butterfly

Violet Butterfly just looks classy to me. It’s a bit risqué but not completely over the top, so I think it works. It’s also one of the few outfits that seems to match my mental image of a “Diva.” As mentioned before, the shorter hair does wonders for me, and I enjoy the diamond motif.

Joey’s Picks: To Trash

Marionette

Marionette is obviously a costume to fit in with a carnival-themed music video, but it still just looks atrocious to me. Maybe in Circus Performer Land (AKA Katy Perry Land) the polka dot sleeves, yellow balls on shoes, and striped baggy pink pants would fly, but not in the real world. Or whatever world it is that Miku lives in. It’s a short step away from full clown. You never go full clown. There’s also a variation that doesn’t include the mask that is slightly less offensive, but they’re both difficult to look at.

Urban Pop

Urban Pop took all the worst things about the ’90s and put them in one outfit. We shouldn’t be seeing those colors on clothes in 2014. I still shudder to think that I owned shoes like those. Thankfully, I never sunk so low as to have pants with writing on them. Doesn’t calling yourself a diva negate your divaness? It’s like trying to say you’re breezy by saying “I’m breezy.” (Why yes, I have been watching Friends on Netflix.)

Puffy Pastels

I can’t quite pinpoint what I dislike about Puffy Pastels. It looks like something you’d want to wear to sleep, but also looks strangely uncomfortable. It’s a weird mix of loose and tight that seems like a chore to sleep in. The top half looks like something a grandma might wear to bed whereas the bottom half looks like something a baby might wear to bed.

Jillian’s Picks: To Keep

Ichi-no-Sakura Blossom

The weird thing is, I was going to give Joey a hard time about picking Violet Butterfly because “whoa, purple!” but I’ve done the same thing. I guess the muted grayish-purple on Ichi-no-Sakura Blossom is much easier on the eyes and less cartoony to me. Also, since she’s wearing a uniform, it makes more sense for the entire thing to be one color. I love the long, winglike sleeves, the flower detailing, the cute variation on the schoolgirl look, and even the weird cross between boots and geta. Looks classic, feels modern.

Memoria

Memoria is a such a normal look for a girl who has half a dozen variations on cat costumes. This is like a “real person” outfit, but still anime-cute. I love her hair in sky blue with pigtails, which matches her blocked spring colors nicely. Those boots look insanely comfortable and functional. The shawl is borderline dowdy, but is saved by the light pink color, three-quarters sleeves, and asymmetrical cut. The gloves and purple tights keep this from being too safe–again, purple!–but after seeing some of the nonsense (ahem, see “least favorites” below) this girl wears, I’m enjoying something a bit neutral.

Magician

Joey and I share a bit of suckerdom for Magician outfits, and this one is a class act all the way. It’s perfectly tailored to show off Miku’s figure without falling into “slutty assistant” territory. The thigh high boots give her legs for days, the ruffle shirt under two-button vest produces a very confident air, and the hot pink stripe on the top hat provides a hint of flash without devolving into circus ringmaster. She just seems so sure of herself in this outfit that I expect her to coyly say, “Are you watching closely?” Yes, yes I am.

Jillian’s Picks: To Trash

Linkage

She looks like the board game Simon. Is she supposed to be the board game Simon? I might hate Linkage less on a darker background where she doesn’t just blend in like a white moth, but really, that’s probably not true. If she’s not some playable human variation of the bop-it-twist-it-pull-it game, then she’s a really low-budget mo-cap suit. Even Miku looks confused why this thing is on her body. And she has the same giant button-cymbals on her head and butt? Really, why?

Hello, Good Night

This is the most confusing outfit I’ve ever seen. First, she has puzzle-boxes magically floating around her pigtails. Second, there’s some kind of rainbow lightning bolt shooting across her in a messy, drunkenly-painted zigzag. Third, I’m pretty sure she’s wearing a nurse’s cap for no apparent reason. If Puffy Pastels is a chore to sleep in, Joey, then Hello, Good Night is a Saw-style sleep murder-trap.

Heart Hunter

I’ve never seen a devil outfit successfully pulled off. I still haven’t.

Who Wore It Best? | Bravely Default Dark Knight

Posted on February 2, 2015 by Final Fashionista

Bravely Default Dark Knight

Erin

Ooo sharpey sharp. Kind of like pokey ants? These are very similar except for helmet spikes and shoulder things. I think he wears it a little better because the hair flowing from her helmet detracts from the overall look. Gents.

Jillian

Like Batman meets Gundam. The biggest differences here are the headpieces and boots. Gents have a lot more crap on both, so I’m giving it to the ladies. Why does he need five spikes on his head and BOTH spurs and a forward spike on his boots? They’re also gold, which is super shiny and counter-intuitive to being a “dark” knight.

Joey

As much as I don’t care for that boot/spurspike, I think the gents’ helmet actually looks more stylish. Also, if we’re going to mock the Templar for attention-grabbing crotches, the Ladies’ Dark Knight should receive similar critique. Gents.

Winner: Gents

Fashion Panel | Super Smash Bros. WiiU/3DS – Part 2

Posted on January 26, 2015 by Final Fashionista

We reviewed a lot of the clothes-less characters in our last Smash Bros. Fashion Panel, so this time it’s nice to have some more “fashion” to dive into. Yes, fashion includes a tongue-scarf in this scenario.

This week: some animals that actually wear clothes, and Ike.

Fox, Greninja, Ike, King Dedede, Kirby

Who Wore It Best? | Final Fantasy X-2 Festivalist

Posted on January 21, 2015 by Final Fashionista

Final Fantasy X-2 Festivalist

Erin

I don’t know what Rikku is holding or what that blob is near her head. I’m going to say she’s holding a bag of live goldfish and is eating cotton candy. I love her polka dot PJs. I would love to have Paine’s cute blue and pink short kimono robe, but the fascinator thing she has makes things a little strange. I don’t really have anything negative to say about Yuna, other than I still hate her rattail.

	1st	2nd	3rd
Scores	Yuna	Rikku	Paine

Jillian

I’m glad the girls had time to throw a pajama party. Yuna’s rocking the traditional look and I love her explosive polka-dotted sash and overly-happy moogle sleeves. Rikku is all about comfort here, but her t-shirt has a nice asymmetrical angel cat detail that pops. Paine is combining tradition and comfort, but the chocobo mask and parasol are a bit overkill, and her cameltoe toes are distracting.

	1st	2nd	3rd
Scores	Yuna	Rikku	Paine

Joey

Masks don’t work that way, Paine. This is not the ’90s and you are not a rapper. I like both Rikku and Yuna’s outfits. I’m pretty sure that they’re yukatas and not pajamas. Yuna’s gets a slight edge because I like the long sleeves and pattern a bit more. The moogle pictures could be cuter though.

	1st	2nd	3rd
Scores	Yuna	Rikku	Paine