Joey

This was a really tough decision for me. Queen and Deuce are automatically out of the running for making me bored on sight. Also, I don’t know if Queen is anemic or something, but her pose isn’t very regal. Sice has a neat weapon and her pose and expression tell us she means business. Unfortunately, her torn up cape tells me that business isn’t going very well. Cinque’s prissy pose and fancy hairstyle have a nice contrast with her brute force weapon. Here she is in action.

Jillian

Having worn school uniforms for 12 years, I can tell you that Queen is the only one who isn’t going to get expelled for skirt shortness. That said, I agree that her anemic slump is off-putting and her single barrette that’s not accomplishing anything is driving me crazy. I like Deuce’s asymmetrical scarf-cape the best, but her extra bang-slash-mutton chops ruin it. Cinque has the vacant stare of Sansa Stark and the annoying hair of Pippi Longstocking; besides the insanely oversized lamp mace, she’s pretty boring. Sice earns points for fitted knee-high boots on top of thigh-high stockings–legs for days–but the raggedy cape is either trying too hard to be badass, or not trying hard enough to follow proper washing instructions.

Erin

Cinque. Jillian said it before and I can’t help but agree. That hair is the worst. It’s not even a natural style; she had to work to make it look like that. She had to cut and blow out ear-length bangs and then use a curling iron to make two giant ringlet pigtails. Turn that weapon upside down and stick it in a lawn, it looks like a solar-powered garden light. Sice has my favorite overall look–I think I always find white hair on a younger character visually appealing. The tattered cape, cold hard glance, and her overall posture says she’s seen this crap before and is not having it. I also love the boots/stockings combination. Deuce looks like she doesn’t belong, something is too simple. But maybe she’s actually the one to be feared most and that wand in her hands is a WMD. Deuce has the same hairdresser as Cinque…there was a special on earbangs, I guess? Seven, I miss the scarf–you look incomplete. I don’t really want to find out what her weapon does, whatever it inflicts does not look comfortable. I do like her hair, but second to Sice, obvs. Jillian was spot on about Queen’s stupid barrette affixed to MORE EARBANGS…and Joey, I agree with what you said re: Queen and Deuce, the levels of boring here are unmatched.

Joey

You two and your rational thinking about hair! That’s the beauty of ridiculous hair in games! No blow-dryer required! Also you just can’t pass up any opportunity to burn Sansa, huh? In the end I’m going to give it to Cater because these are school uniforms and she’s the only one prepared for academics with her backpack. Even if it is super tiny. Her finger gun pose while holding a real gun in her other hand is so meta I can’t even handle it. Also I like her idle animation.

Jillian

Cater is a slightly more interesting Cinque with the backpack and knee-highs, but otherwise, yawn. It’s between Seven and Rem for me: I love the extra layer of ruffles Rem is rocking on both her skirt and jacket, and the balance between the longer-yet-thinner cape. Her dual swords have more style than any of the other girls, especially with their turquoise insets. Seven is doing her own thing, forgoing the cape entirely but keeping a pop of red thanks to the unbuttoned collar of her jacket. She has the only hairstyle I don’t want to shave, and the good sense to wear biker shorts under her skirt. Love her scorpion whip and v-cut boots, but minor deduction for the oversized spaulders. I’m giving it to Seven, in spite of Rem’s guilt-inducing doe eyes.

Erin

Cater…bang bang! Finger gun! Pew pew pew! Did she take that pistol off of a dead pirate? I’ve had that haircut in real life and can tell you, it is not cute. As for Rem, I like her Mary Jane shoes and added (modesty?) ruffle. I’m also a fan of a weapon in each hand! Her earbangs border on long layers, so I’ll be a little less grossed out with her hair, but that part down the middle of her hair, with it hanging so long down the sides, drags her whole face down. Does it bother anyone else that four of the girls are wearing (ugly) loafers and three are not? It’s a tossup for me between Rem and Sice, but because Sice doesn’t have earbangs (I will call them “swoopy side bangs”), she wins the whole thing.

Winner(s): Cater, Seven, and Sice